by Sainiku » Mon May 17, 2010 7:12 pm
Perception outwards:
Works very hard to be friendly, but many times may seem very blunt or cold hearted. Believing that both gloating and modesty are a waste of time, instead she tells people how she truly sees or feels about herself or what she's done. Often is known to speak either too quickly or rashly if un-medicated. When medicated however, seems to think things through and often will pause before speaking or typing, planning out what to say. She has noticed for many years that using the right words can be very powerful, whereas using the wrong words can be very dangerous when conveying ideas. For the most part, while online, she tends to keep her composure. Although loving to debate topics, she will rarely become angry or frustrated. This all changes depending on the time of the month, as she is very prone to PMS cramps and mood-swings. Often having to apologize for the things she had said, there have been many time where friendships have been strained. Many times, the stress caused by such periods will linger on.
Perception inwards:
Sainiku tends to show herself as a strong confident woman. Deep down, however, it is certainly not the case. Very insecure about her own feelings, she often holds herself to an unreasonable standard of perfection. While un-medicated, she very often will stare off into the distance, thinking deeply about any number of things. Often daydreaming about politics, discussions, or events that are unprobable, but amusing. Many times while listening to music, she finds inspiration for her own game design idea that she has worked on for many years now. At times while un-medicated, stress may seem overbearing, and depression can sometimes create a physically weakened depressed state. She will push herself, telling herself to begin thinking about doing certain things, but never paying attention to herself. Instead, she will wonder off into her own world in her mind, letting creativity guide her. The world feels as though it slows down, and frustration towards her own inattentiveness usually piles on stress.
While medicated, however... her mind begins to speed up; the world going at a faster pace. She tends to have trouble reaching her artistic design sides, but instead leans towards more logical and responsible uses of her time. The engines of her mind kick into overdrive, and concentration skyrockets. Able to analyze different perspectives and visualize much more then just events come into play. The ability to empathetically visualize a person's viewpoints, thoughts, and feelings, give the ability of both emotional and logical understandings. Any time these visualizations conflict with actual data, intrigue is raised, and extreme curiosity towards trying to understand a new point of view comes into play. This ties greatly with her own personal philosophical beliefs that perspective is much more then just what people see and hear. Her existentialist views were created after having schizophrenic episodes, and realizing how powerful perception of the world truly is. The ability for the mind to change what you perceive, can completely change the world. By this conclusion, as the mind does have the ability to override conscious thoughts, comes her belief that the world itself is completely different for everyone. She believes there is no way of knowing how others truly see the world. An example she has used often, is that an apple is red to everyone... but what may seem red to one person, may actually be blue to another! However, even though they both see the apple in different colors, they both call the apple 'red', because that is what they were taught the color looks like. Her Taoist views lay in her belief that happiness is the most important part of any life. More important then making your mark on the world, and more important then leaving a legacy for others. These thoughts led her too a great enlightenment long ago. A feeling of piece after realizing that happiness was just an emotion, and that if you know how, you can control it. Although far from being able to control it to the extent she would like, she finds peace in knowing that the possibility is there.
"Whatever. I'll just eat you up. Bones and all!" -Juri