Carnal Druid Wrote:Disclaimer: ...
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Carnal Druid Wrote:But first things first, the positives:
1) The Art was, like with all your Projects, amazing on a technical level. Yes, I would've liked it, if especially the non-orc characters and more especially the female characters weren't buff as bodybuilders, but I guess thats a personal preference, but what really bugged me more than i would have expected myself was the huge tits on the elven character Neve, since elves are in general and in most fantasy universes regarded as more on the slender side of body types. Smaller tits would have been more realistic.
2) And what little information I got on the overarching plot, while cliché fantasy, left me wanting for more.
Unfortunatly there are some problems with the game.
I don't get into the buff fetish myself, but this is a rough world and Neve, and Sabia are both combat veterans so it would make sense imo that they would have toned bodies. Yeah, I'm in agreement that Neve's tits should probably be closer to what Lynn has then not, but there are different body types out there, so who is to say that one elf might have larger then normal tits? -- But I get where you are coming from.
Carnal Druid Wrote: 1) The Gameplay: I don't remember exactly but i think all of your or SierraLees solo projects until now were done on an RPG maker and this is the first time you worked with RenPY (correct me if I'm wrong)? This definitly shows. But I'm confident that this will get better when time goes on, since all your projects were done really professional.
I'm fairly certain that this is Sierra'a first published venture into ren'py, I'm not 100% for sure, but I think I recall seeing that somewhere. I'm sure Sierra will comment here when she had time.
Carnal Druid Wrote:Your gameplay seems to be inspired by games like Akaburs Witch Trainer or Princess Trainer, where a character, in your case the main character has to do chores in a forced enviroment that they hate at first, but when time goes on they get more and more corruped and the tasks get more and more sexual, well in your case that transition doesn't happen neither on a gameplay level nor on a character level. One moment Sabia despises orcs and would never ever touch them in a way that is not punching their face and one moment later she can work as a whore. this ties into my next point:
Imo, that's generally how corruption angles work when you are not using mind control or some other out there arc, you wear down the willpower and make the (person/MC/insert description here) think the way you want them to and eventually they will start thinking and behaving the way you want them to. (Again, in my opionion)
Carnal Druid Wrote: 2) The characters and story: I know it's difficult, if I wouldn't struggle with this, I'd probably already have published a game, but writing a mature (in a not sexual way) fantasy plot in a game that is also about people fucking each other in situations and frequencies that are not realistic and only happen in porn, is hard. And most of the times when i played your game, i felt i was playing two games, the revenge plot on the one hand and the corruption plot on the other hand. There where hardly any connections between these two. And while the revenge plot was like I said in the pro's was fine and left me wanting for more, the corruption plot was really not good or better: non existent. Why would I want to work at the relieve tents? It's so counterintuitive.
There are 2 plots running, both as you mentioned. Remember when she was negotiating with the captain that wants to make the orcs more like humans? Sabia lies to him in that she will work with the orcs (she would rather kill them), and her sister who she claims would want to wipe the orcs out (who would rather ignore them). This, I feel is going to be a major part of the plot development, seeing where Sabia will take a stance of what she is going to have to sacrifice to get her revenge on her sister, and keep the orcs from being a threat to the humans.
Carnal Druid Wrote:So, now a little bit more detailed on the characters that i remember:
*) Sabia: Sabia as a main character would be compelling if a) her strengh that people talk about would actually help her and not just be mentioned and b) her hatred for orcs after being raped by them would affect her actions. I would like her get corrupted but still being the strong female leader and not a helpless damsel in distress that gets fucked by everyone.
You get some of that in the training ground, grudging respect from the orcs for her determination, but you've got to realize that she is a female in a male dominated society/environment. I feel Sierra effectively addressed that in the intro, if she does not use the orcs, she might as well give up on any hope of revenge which is her driving goal. Did you by chance get the sex scene with Sabia and the orc in charge of the training grounds? Sorry, I can't recall his name at the moment, (Starts with an L?) That is an excellent show of her maintaining strength while letting her lusts run free.
Carnal Druid Wrote: *) Neve: I get that she is supposed to be a mysterious character, but other than that she likes to get fucked by two orcs at a time i literally now nothing about her and her motivations. why is she helping me? a little bit of character would definitly help her.
Character in development, we'll learn more about Neve as the story progresses, You don't go to the end of the book to see what happens before you read the middle, do you? Same here, we know nothing about anyone other then ourselves, and the MC even has some doubts there too. As an aside to the previous point about Sabia the only reason she goes whore (comfort girl if that's your thing) is to earn money faster. You can, (I think) do this whole prelude with no sex except the mandatory rape scene at the beginning, it'll just take longer, and your status with the orcs won't be quite so solid, but there might very well be benefits (and consequences) in the future that will be written in that will reflect this.
Carnal Druid Wrote: *) The Captains: They are literally just cartboard-cutouts of political agendas and helping one of them doesn't affect anything at all (I helped the neutral one, but i guess when i help either the liberal or the conservative one the other one wouldn't attack me or atleast be mad (again, correct me if I'm wrong)
Again, choices for later on in the story, I went with the "civil" orc, but I might eventually try the other two, we'll see.
Carnal Druid Wrote: *) The Barkeeper: I liked him, he was cool and surprisingly well fleshed out.
Did you work for him enough times to talk to him? You might find him more interesting. Did you ask Neve about him? Remember that "drink" option? I have a feeling that will become usuable later in the game.
Carnal Druid Wrote: *) The Warchief: Ok-ish, I don't know much about him, but he seems to have his reasons for what he's doing, so no critique here
Think of him as a plot device, and a goal of the Captains, that's my thought process, he is going to be setting the stage as to how the orc community is going to interact with Sabia until one of the Captains pulls him down and takes his place, again this will be a middle of the story kind of event.
Carnal Druid Wrote:3) At last to the worst part and really I hated that one: The Intro.
I love RPGs, but there is a trend in recent RPGS -especially AAA-Titles- that you have to have a lot of *choices* and *freedom*. And a lot of studios make games full of choices and freedom and desicions and you play your game thinking that this is a really individual walkthrought, that only you have and in the end, you discover that either choice would have let to that outcome and all was for none.
Your Intro is the worst incarnation of this. The game is pretending to give me a choice to not get raped by the orcs and i tired every choice and i got raped in all of them, now, I'm not a big fan of rape in generall, not even in clearly fictional games, but i accept it if it seems like I earned it (like in games like CoC or TiTs, where you get raped when you lose a fight) or that it is an integral part of the story, but when the game is pretending to give me a way out, of course i'll try to take it and when there is none, i feel backstabbed. And that is not a great first impression for your game.
The other things are just things that i observed and you can do with them whatever you want, but for this one i beg you, please change that, by either having a choice that saves you from getting raped or having no choices at all and just play out the rape scene from the start and not bullshit around with a thousand choices.
It's a work in progress, that being said I can't answer for how the story is going to be told, that being said I understand frustration if this is something you truly dislike. Think of the intro as a vehicle to get you where you are going, and try to understand this is the intro, and there will be other things happening later on. I think there is a long rape and a short rape scene, who is to say that maybe at some time you'll be knocked unconscious (and maybe or maybe not raped), but let's talk reality here, we are playing an adult game with adult concepts, and what would lusty orcs do with a sexy female captive?
Anyway it's all opinions for now, keep an eye on the project, see where it goes, and just have fun, if something starts to not be fun, don't do it. I support Sierra on TLS, but can't support KoD at the moment, not that I wouldn't love to, but being that fact that her games for for the most part free to play (there are exceptions, to this yes), but for the most part they are. Don't worry about constructive feedback/critiques most authors welcome those at it helps them get a better feel for how the public is reacting to what they are putting out there.
Peace.
