The Wastelands

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Re: The Wastelands

Postby That_One_Guy » Mon Mar 10, 2014 4:20 am

Garian continued moving, cautiously watching everything and paying attention to the copper smell and looked over at the kobold, "Do you recognize that smell?" He asked before continuing onwards, he wanted to make sure that smell wasn't going to kill them or give them a sickness.
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Re: The Wastelands

Postby Urhr93 » Mon Mar 10, 2014 2:51 pm

Ruby finishes the green man and then looks around, to confirm the safeness of the surrounding. All seems to be ok, and would in fact be of if not for rain falling down on them. It's not necessarily a bad thing, but if it pick up then the ground could turn muddy, and she doesn't exactly walking is such a mess. In the end, it isn't really a problem, but if she can avoid it, then all the better.
Once the girl confirms that her surroundings are safe, she turns toward the wolf <Good job> she says is a cheerful tone <Things could have been bad if it wasn't for you> her right hand is brought on his head, patting it for a bit <Are you ok?> she knows that he probably doesn't completely understands her words, but since he's so intelligent, maybe he'll understand the concepts she wants to convey. She pats his head for another little bit, and then turns toward the dead bodies, searching for something useful, and... she finds something. A skinning knife and money. And why should she leave them there? The dead won't have any use for it, and if she doesn't take it, someone else will. And so she takes them, putting their money with her money and securing the dagger at her belt, at the other side from the lower end of the "scabbard" of her katana. It probably wouldn't have much use, but in trickery: since there's a dagger on one side, if she brings an hand near the other side they'll think that she doesn't have any intention to attack, without knowing that the lower end of the "katana" is instead another "hidden" kodachi. It's the same trick she used until now, but it will probably work better with the new dagger attracting attention while she goes for the hidden weapon.

As she bends down to pick up the orc's items, she unawarely "present" her rear to the wolf, but she's wearing pants, so he probably won't do anything, also because of the cum stain well visible while she's in that position. Stain made not by her, but rather by the seed dripping down from her slit from before. Now the "leak" has mostly died down, but till not much ago it continued to gather between her panties and her sex, permanently staining the area between her legs.
In her womb she still feels whatever is in there sloshing around, occasionally giving her nausea, but she's still not giving it much thought
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Re: The Wastelands

Postby Phoenixcz » Mon Mar 10, 2014 8:34 pm

Spoiler (click to show/hide):

Is that kwama?


Not letting the strange beasts out of sight, Elenwe gives them a wide berth (If possible, I'm not sure if there's enough space for that) while grabing a handful of arrows from her quier and while she's not nocking an arrow yet, she keeps her hand close to her bow so she'll be able to shoot immedietly if the need arises. Knowing she's now in enemy territory, Elenwe take extra care to watch every possible hiding space nearby and slows a little, if she encounters trouble before the man behind her catches up, she should be able to delay the enemy or run towards him for help.
If it takes me two weeks or more to respond to a RP without prior notice, send me a PM. It's more likely I've missed the last post, forgot or got distracted and need a little reminder rather than deciding to drop the game without warning.
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Re: The Wastelands

Postby Shura » Mon Mar 10, 2014 9:03 pm

With a bit of effort, Shura manages to catch up to Elenwe. Noticing the arrows in her hand, Shura keeps quiet. Approaching quietly, Shura keeps an eye out for whatever might have spooked his compatriot.
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Re: The Wastelands

Postby Reaver » Wed Mar 12, 2014 12:17 am

Darius bowed his head, expecting divine damnation of the eternal kind. There were worse ways to die and being killed by his own god would probably have been one of the best, if she had actually intended to kill him. He flinched as Myn poked his nose, only to have his confusion multiply as she began to giggle. He actually began to grin as the realization of her forgiveness and general playfulness dawned on him. He didn't make a noise as he knelt there, just taking in the entire scene with awe and curiosity. He eyed the dark fairy as it rested near the divine. Darius wasn't sure what they were talking about but he'd had lost his faith in Myn once and certain'y wouldn't do it again. By the time Myn placed her hand on his cheek, Darius had a full confident grin as he swore to himself that he would never forget this moment nor betray her will again. "I will be your champion until I die, Myn." His soul felt lighter as Myn's gentle touch and her swarm of faeries disappeared, only leaving him and the dark fairy in the cemetery. She stared at him and he stared at her, feeling an instant connection to her. Both of them served Myn even though they had been corrupted, except her's was more visible than his.

Darius stood up again with purpose as he listened to the quest given to him by Myn. He felt humbled yet proud to be given the assignment, let alone visited by his Mistress. He gave the dark fairy a light pat on the head with a finger, unfazed by her appearance. "Will you be staying with me, Servant of Myn or will you be following her back to her domain? I can promise your safety and an adventure, not that I know how much you care for those things. I just know we have both been scarred by corruption and perhaps you could teach me better resistance." Regardless of her answer, Darius would begin to walk out of the cemetery as raindrops began to fall on his face.
Renegade, Mercenary, Wielder of the Shaft of Justice, Angel-Rapist, Rp Contract Killer
He enters like a shadow, exits like a Horseman of the Apocalypse.
Seen it all, done it all.
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Re: The Wastelands

Postby daxtinator396 » Wed Mar 12, 2014 1:10 am

Amber watched intently as it all passed by and she felt different than before. She didn't know how to feel about it though but she heard adventure... and where there was adventure and abandoned places lay treasures... treasures that would be hers. So she would follow him further. As he turned to leave in the rain she stepped out of hiding,"Ah-ah! You were gonna leave without me... you can't adventure without a resident burglar. Sooo where we going and when do we leave?" She said placing a finger on Darius' chest to stop him and stepping forward against him.
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Re: The Wastelands

Postby Hazard1325 » Wed Mar 12, 2014 8:04 am

Rayle decided to rest for a short time trying to wait out the worst of the rain. She sat with her cat glancing around at her surroundings. "I hope this place isn't always as miserable." She said more to herself than her familiar. After a few hours she would leave even if the rain was still pouring, she couldn't waste to much time.
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Re: The Wastelands

Postby Grape_Drink » Thu Mar 13, 2014 3:07 am

Weather Roll: 70

The rain remains constant with no signs of stopping.

Roxanne
Spoiler (click to show/hide):

GM Roll; Daytime Safe Roadside Encounter- 56 (no encounter)
You begin your journey up the road with relative ease towards the supposed location. A number of mercenaries have already begun to file off in a line heading in the same general direction, but inquiry suggests they're heading towards the town of Drubkirk up north of your location past the escarpment.

You've been travelling along for quite some time, but surprisingly it's been calm and free of brigands and monsters. It's almost too calm... Looking about, you notice a puddle of goo from a recently slain slime in the middle of the road, adventurers trudging over it towards the top of the mountain. The slight incline at the moment isn't too bad, but should you decide to venture to the escarpment, you get the impression that it will be quite the uphill hike.


Kylie
Spoiler (click to show/hide):

GM Roll; 16

You find the tablet's sweet spot and pry it off of the wall with soem difficulty. On the back, magical runes read Ceu jinqa xasa'an mtan karsan ji vo'alat bo ji lelka in the ancient tongue. ​It seems to be irradiated with magic, and you notice a number of flashes emit from it. Looking at the ground near the spot it was flashing, you note a number of ants who were trailing off with bread crumbs have become little birds just like porkchop, though about a quarter of the size.

This thing doesn't seem to discriminate against any organic life form, and seems to have a range of about three to fiveish meters. Dozens of mini penguins begin to let out a chorus of squeaky squawks. Porkchop noticeably tries to draw their attention to him as their leader (being the intelligent rat he is), but these mini-guins seem to pay him no heed, maintaining their ant-like capacities.


Garian
Spoiler (click to show/hide):

GM Roll; Luck- 5
GM Roll; Spot- natural 20

"Do you recognize that smell?"

"Bloods," the kobold whispers.

Continuing onward, the walls seem to crumble slightly. Seems you're getting deeper into the structure... Up ahead you see a goblin sentry walk onto a stone panel as he vanishes with a small whompfh of air. The coppery smell is no longer present.

Suddenly, you step on a pressure plate without even realizing it until it's too late. There's no telling what-

Looking down the hallway the two of you came from, you can't help but notice that there's something strange about the air. It's wavy and the lightest tinge of rotten eggs fills it. It also appears to be growing closer to you and the kobold.


Ruby
Spoiler (click to show/hide):

The wolf lets out a small bark, though he notably walks along a little slower than usual, his abdomen looks a bit inflamed, likely from the powerful blow he took just a few moments ago. Your wolf doesn't seem very interested right now in those sort of things as he walks along.


Elenwe and Shura
Spoiler (click to show/hide):

((Closest picture I could find for describing it))

Shura approaches easily enough as you give the beasts a wide berth. They seem relatively harmless as they feed on wasp carcass and grass. One looks up at you, and lets out a short chitter before going back to feeding. Tied to the wooden post, it's likely these things are domesticated.

The area is devoid of any civilization nor camps. The only structure is a half-rotten roof that the strange beasts can go under. Meanwhile, the smoke from a bonfire further down the steep (and now ever so slightly muddy) slope and just around the cliff's edge fills the sky. It seems to be safe, at least for now.


Rayle
Spoiler (click to show/hide):

GM Roll; Daytime Sideroad Encounter- 75
List Drawn From- [???]
GM Roll; 2d6- 4
GM Roll; Initiative- 1
Rayle Vs. Surprise attack; 17 - 1 vs. 15

The rain seems to continue on steadily. It refuses to get any heavier, but it doesn't seem to be letting up either. Multiple adventurers in Ser Ethan's entourage pass by you and continue on their way up to the escarpment. Given there doesn't seem to be signs of stopping, you continue along in the light tree cover from the rain.

As you continue along, you suddenly hear a series of giggles from an all-too-familiar group of monsters to any adventurer. A stick flings past your head as you narrowly avoid it, little green figures wrapped in ragged clothes step out of the forests- four of them to be precise. It seems you've wandered upon a goblin scout party that was following the platoon of adventurers departing town. Their warty flesh glistens with sweat and grime, their teeth crooked. The four of them seem poorly equipped and cackle in glee, keeping their distance as one of them darts around to try and encircle you.


Darius and Amber

Spoiler (click to show/hide):

"Will you be staying with me, Servant of Myn or will you be following her back to her domain? I can promise your safety and an adventure, not that I know how much you care for those things. I just know we have both been scarred by corruption and perhaps you could teach me better resistance."

"With time, perhaps, but for now I act as a guide. A... What is the human term... Corrections warden?"

The fairy shrugs as she remains on your shoulder, partially, but not fully answering your question.

"Ah-ah! You were gonna leave without me... you can't adventure without a resident burglar. Sooo where we going and when do we leave?"

The Dark Fairy looks straight ahead at Amber for quite some time before looking back to Darius

"I like this one."


Blake

Spoiler (click to show/hide):

You find yourself travelling on horseback, a Rastanite soldier in front of you as you continue along. You had been unconscious for quite some time after the ship crashed, and from what you gathered when you woke up, you were unintentionally brought along on the march up the mountainside. How you got to the wastelands and why? Perhaps a mystery known only to you, but here you seem to be. Of course you could always turn back or separate from these adventurers, but it seems safe enough as they make their way towards Drubkirk.



((Sorry for some of the responses sounding rushed. Wanted to get this done before the end of the day! I'll probably get a map up next post.))
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Re: The Wastelands

Postby Nobudi » Thu Mar 13, 2014 3:42 am

Roxanne went around the puddle of ooze, as she started for the northwest.
Once she was out of normal earshot of the other mercenaries, she nudged a rock her, a stick there... until there was a small circle of objects.
She then chanted under her breath, "Elea, spirit of the glow, I call upon thee to guide my path..."
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Re: The Wastelands

Postby eaenidu » Thu Mar 13, 2014 4:16 am

Blake moaned as she woke up and looked around the sun glaring into her eyes "Huh? What's going on? Where am I?" Blake tries to move around her arms wrapping around the Rastanite soldier in front of her's waist her hands resting on his junk as she looked around now able to see "Oh good a follower of Rastan I was concerned that demons or some such ilk captured me." She sighed with relief as her hands lightly squeeze on reflex as she tried to straighten up and look at who she was traveling with
"I mean, that thing about not looking a gift horse in the mouth? Well, how the fuck else are you supposed to figure out if it’s full of Greeks?”
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Re: The Wastelands

Postby [Brand_Name] » Fri Mar 14, 2014 3:56 am

Paying little attention to the newly-created mini-guins, Kylie tries to find an inanimate object to place over the tablet to make carrying it easier (assuming that it didn't make inanimate objects into penguins as well). Following this, she took all the stolen goods and began to make her way back to the encampment. Not that she really needed it, but the rain and darkness should make her trip a little easier.

(ooc: is it still dark? I'm aware it isn't for most other characters, but this little trip couldn't have realistically taken her the whole night- an hour tops)
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Re: The Wastelands

Postby Urhr93 » Sat Mar 15, 2014 2:35 pm

The wolf seems to be ok, at least before resuming their travel. While they're walking, though the wolf doesn't seem to mind, his pace is slower than before, and though there's no apparent injury, his abdomen seems to be a bit swollen. Coupled with the incessant rain muddying the ground, the wolf's injury led Ruby to decide to rest for a while <Wait!> she calls for him, patting his head <Let's find a sheltered place so we can rest for a bit> her words are followed by gesture, trying to make the wolf understand what she means, and then she proceeds to do so, trying to find a more dry place to wait till the rain stops.
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Re: The Wastelands

Postby Hazard1325 » Sat Mar 15, 2014 6:31 pm

Rayle grabs her staff with she hears the cackling from behind. She spots the goblins approaching and takes a few steps back away from the goblins. When one tries to dart around she lunges and swings her staff aiming for his head. She wasn't very good at fighting but if she could keep them from outflanking her she might have a chance to get away.
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Re: The Wastelands

Postby That_One_Guy » Sat Mar 15, 2014 6:59 pm

Garian continued onwards, when he smelled the new smell in the air, "I don't like that smell." He said and started moving faster, "Come, we must finish this up as quickly as possible, let's kill these goblins and get on with it, keep an eye out for traps though." he told the kobold, he was moving faster, but he was still cautious about where he was moving.
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Re: The Wastelands

Postby Grape_Drink » Sun Mar 16, 2014 5:15 am

3_15_2014.png
Kylie has been added to the red blob. All players who are not active between a map post and the next map post will not be listed on the map to prevent clutter on future maps.
3_15_2014.png (530.6 KiB) Viewed 648 times


Weather Roll: 43

The rain begins to let up a bit to a small trickle. Storm clouds still roll about above, but small blots of sunshine can be seen in the distance. It appears to be almost mid day.


Roxanne
Spoiler (click to show/hide):

Encounter Roll [???]: 81
1d4: 2
GM Roll: Luck- 16

((Assuming she's looking for a route towards her destination, correct me if I'm wrong, please))


"Elea, spirit of the glow, I call upon thee to guide my path..."

A glowing path opens up before you leading towards the east. It seems to match up with the map you were given as you prepare to head in that direction.

merc_map.png
The map you were given that was totally not accidentally forgotten. No siree!
merc_map.png (188.47 KiB) Viewed 648 times


Suddenly, growling and arguing can be heard behind you in some unfamiliar language. A sort of porcine squeal hits your ears as you turn around to see two humanoid figures biting and brawling with one another over what you assume to be a goblin woman mere feet in front of you. She appears rather badly injured, and is trying to crawl away from the two fighting beasts. Closer inspection reveals bristles running down their backs and forearms. A firey glow rests in their wild eyes, and saliva drips from their mouths and large tusks. A modest patch of bristles and a sweaty old loincloth are all that cover them. You can't help but note that if you had stepped any further back, you might have been in for a surprise attack.

They look distracted and you could probably surprise them or get the goblin out of there, but at the same time, Goblins are mischievous little creatures. Not to mention if they do notice you trying to get the goblin out of there, you'll be on your own judging by her injuries.



Blake
Spoiler (click to show/hide):

"Oh good a follower of Rastan I was concerned that demons or some such ilk captured me."

"Might just be worse" he grunts jokingly, a glint in his eyes as he looks back towards the road, another soldier chiming in.

"Aight, quite lucky in those regards. Some adventurers got that beastie holdin' yeh 'fore Bill could do anythin'. Inn wouldn't keep yeh so we thought t'bring yeh along to Drubkirk. Can't believe some of the faces they let on-board that boat. Was expectin' more veterans."

Looking about, you'd judge there to be six to eight dozen adventurers following behind the Rastanites. Half of them are ill-prepared as you climb up the mountainside at a slope. The soldier politely ignores your grip, though his body doesn't seem to be able to as you feel a modest package pressing against his leather codpiece. Thinking back, you remember that black tentacled beast called "Bill" getting ahold of you, though it began shrieking in pain and tossed you into the water before any fun could take place.



Kylie
Spoiler (click to show/hide):

((Looking at about two hours between the trip there and back + scoping out a good target))
GM roll; Luck- 12
GM Roll; Will- 19
GM Roll; Memory- 16

You make your way out of the shop and towards the town gates, tablet and loot wrapped up. When you get to the gate though, you realize you'll probably only be able to sneak out with about 20-25lbs of hot goods in your pack without looking suspicious/pushing your luck. The walls are quite tall. You could always try to swim around via the docks, but something in your head tells you that's a very, very bad idea.

. . .

You awaken with a start to a plant girl poking you in the face with a stick. When you awaken, she covers her mouth and runs back towards the lodge. Your stomach growls, and penguinchop is curled up next to you shivering as he stares into the forest. Blots of light shine into the treeline past the trickle of water, and you suspect it to be about mid day.

Thinking back, you remember having been on your way home when that figure from before appeared... You remember it approaching, lunging at you and then... Nothing.

Looking at your hand, you notice a small silver band around your ring finger with an amethyst shaped like an eye embedded into it. It seems innocent enough, but something in the back of your head isn't very fond of it. When you go to touch it, you suddenly feel quite energetic though, and feel as if your sense of smell is heightened.



Ruby
Spoiler (click to show/hide):

<Let's find a sheltered place so we can rest for a bit>

The wolf growls for a moment before changing direction, heading North. You've been travelling for about twenty minutes, and are starting to suspect the wolf ignored you when you come across a small stream running down a cliff. Behind it is what can only be described as a hole in the ground. It's almost unnoticeable at first, but your wolf companion "points" it out easily enough as he climbs down it. It looks wide enough to enter, and inside appears to be a small cave, big enough to fit in, but not necessarily big enough to stand up in.

Your stomach begins to cramp up slightly as you suddenly feel sick again.



Rayle
Spoiler (click to show/hide):

Rayle Vs. Goblin- Natural 20 vs. 4 - 1(goblin)

"Attaaaaaaa-oof!"

Your staff makes contact with the little runt's head with a loud cracking sound as the adrenaline of the swing sends teeth flying and a possibly dead goblin shooting into another one, injuring them too.

With the one pinned underneath his downed comrade, the other two goblins (one a third, the other about half your size and wearing padded furs) let out small shrieks of gibberish, deciding to try and team up against you. They both charge at different angles in an attempt to flank you, one carrying a wooden club, the other more equipped goblin carrying a light mace. There's nothing blocking your path from simply running away at the moment, but then again, Goblins are runts that even peasants can kill in the right circumstances.



Garian
Spoiler (click to show/hide):

You pick up the pace as you approach the end of the hallway. There doesn't seem to be any other way to go... The Kobold suddenly pushes you onto the pressure plate as a feeling of vertigo and flashy array of colors assault your senses.

Emerging, you find yourself in another part of the ruins, unsure of where exactly you are with the kobold right behind you, having lost his torch when he entered what you assume to be a magical portal.

Up ahead, you hear voices...

"Bah! Saw what did to humans! Bad idea, Gratch!"

"Lizards right outside, boss! Can't get out! Stupid, stupid, stupid-"

"Enoughs! Not letting thing out! Thing is bad! Gratch is stupid. Stupid Gratch makes me keep stone on me so Gratch can't have!"

Shuffling of feet can be heard, the shadows of two Goblins partially visible as they sit at a table with some light source up ahead. It seems there's potential mutiny to be had among these goblins as their boss descends further in.

"Stupid boss is going to make us all starve! Grrr... Say we steal stone and make thing happen! Can make it kill lizards!"



Marjory
Spoiler (click to show/hide):

GM Roll; Encounter- 93


You begin to wander through the forests of your own volition, relatively sure that you won't be seeing your allies again any time soon. Choosing a random direction, you begin to wander through the forest. These forests don't seem to be the nicest of places as you witnessed first hand the previous evening.

It's quite peaceful though at the moment, the sounds of wildlife as they roam around, and rain trickles down from above. You breath in the fresh air and enjoy your scenic walk through the forest with no particular place in mind until you suddenly find yourself face-to-face with a spider-like creature. It's probably twice your size, and has a bone-like face. It immediately goes to lunge at you as-

Well, on the bright side you aren't dead. On the other hand, there's now what can only be described as a giant orangatan with bracelets around its wrists staring at you, the spindler pinned underneath it as it snaps the beast's neck with a low grunt. It rips off one of the creature's chitinous spiked legs as it begins to chew on it, never taking his eyes off of you.
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Re: The Wastelands

Postby Nobudi » Sun Mar 16, 2014 5:39 am

Sidra immediately hid herself from the ensuing brawl.
Judging from the situation, the goblin was being fought over, though it wasn't too clear.
Whipping out her crossbow, and her quiver of bolts, she stayed where she was, and very carefully and slowly motioned for the goblin to her location.
Mischievous or not, she was clearly in a bad situation.
She also drew her knife. Couldn't hurt in this kind of situation.
As for where she could aim, there were only two main discernible targets on the body she could go for causing painful damage on the beasts: the eyes or... the loincloths.
Since the loincloths were a larger target, she'd aim there if she was spotted.
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Re: The Wastelands

Postby eaenidu » Sun Mar 16, 2014 6:09 am

Blake blinks and looks confused "Drubkirk?" Blake then shook her head and smiled cutely at the guy who talked second and scratching the back of her head "Thanks if you guys didn't take me I would probably be waking up in some ditch full of cum or worse." She laughed awkwardly before pulling her cloak tighter and looking around for her Bat familiar Sunny "Hey Sunny where are you?" she asked as she glanced around before he smacked her in the face crying and hugging her face as she almost got knocked off "Gah! Sunny I'm Fine!" she said in surprise as she calmed the Bat down
"I mean, that thing about not looking a gift horse in the mouth? Well, how the fuck else are you supposed to figure out if it’s full of Greeks?”
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Re: The Wastelands

Postby Grape_Drink » Sun Mar 16, 2014 6:46 am

Sidra
Spoiler (click to show/hide):

GM Roll; Stealth- 14 + 2(skill) vs. 17
Sidra Vs. Wereboar- 5 + 1 (hunter) vs. 13 - 1(surprise attack)

The goblin girl looks up at you, terrified as she begins to crawl towards your location. You notice a rather large gash in her leg, likely from one of those wereboar's tusks.

She's almost at you as she holds out a hand when suddenly the squealing and fighting stops. One of the wereboars, having been knocked into a tree is now pointing towards your location, sniffing the air and grunting to his compatriot.

Perhaps his compatriot sees the goblin girl trying to escape, or perhaps he sees you, but regardless he lets out a roar. You momentarily flinch as you pull the trigger, your bolt flying into his abdomen. It sinks relatively deep, and likely hurts like hell, but right now it just looks like you pissed him off. He lowers his stance, preparing to charge towards you with his tusks at the ready!



Blake
Spoiler (click to show/hide):

"Most prominent town in Mesh'la. Drubkirk's prolly' the last bastion o' civilization fer miles 'round unless yeh head far north or try t'get into the remnants of the Devil King's abode. Also the city of sin as far as folks are concerned. Yer officially in the wastelands, lass. Basically a giant island of debauchery an' corruption if yeh ask me... Care t'get down, or yeh plannin' t'stay with us fer a bit?"

He places a gloved hand over your own, rubbing it ever so slightly as he watches the skies for a moment before flinching. You soon realize why as he grunts to the soldier next to him. A filth imp flies up above, seeming to watch the march of adventurers up the mountain.

"Aight, Jacob. Get that imp 'fore it reports to 'em lemures. Don't want 'em preppin' t'come after us until after we're approachin' the gates."
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Re: The Wastelands

Postby Nobudi » Sun Mar 16, 2014 7:08 am

Shit. Sidra spent a good second mentally kicking herself for losing concentration.
Good thing she had her knife in hand.
When it charged, she'd have to choose left or right to dodge and counter.
She'd pick left, as her right gave her the sturdier aim towards a vital point, like the throat.
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Re: The Wastelands

Postby eaenidu » Sun Mar 16, 2014 7:18 am

Blake tightens her grip around the man her hands rubbing his junk "I'll just stay with you being alone doesn't seem smart right now." She said as she watched the Filth Imp her hands slipping under the mans armor deftly and both warms them up and gives the man a handjob as she whispers in the mans ear "I'm sure I have some uses."
"I mean, that thing about not looking a gift horse in the mouth? Well, how the fuck else are you supposed to figure out if it’s full of Greeks?”
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