Hentai: Peach's Untold Tale 3.48 (Nov 2/18) - HIATUS

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Re: vegetables

Postby QuizmasterBos » Mon Dec 31, 2012 2:29 pm

Ivan-Aedler Wrote:(Now I've got stimulated! I'll make Don Pianta now!)

(ONE HOUR LATER)...

If someone asks: 'Hey, for sure he will be taller too, like Rawk Hawk, won't be?', I say 'Yes!! Not now!'

Wait, taller? Ivan, did you even pay attention whilst playing the game? Don Pianta is even taller than Peach, you know.
Here's a screen-shot of Paper Mario. It's to compare Peach and Mario's sizes. The size difference is the same in TTYD:
Spoiler (click to show/hide):

Image

Now compare Mario and Don Pianta:
Spoiler (click to show/hide):

Image

You can see, that Don Pianta is actually a little bit taller than Peach. So, no need to make him taller for no reason, Don Pianta should just be a really big guy, both up and 'to the side'.
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Re: MiM: Peach's Untold Tale 1.8.9 (dec 29/12)

Postby Ivan-Aedler » Mon Dec 31, 2012 2:59 pm

Toyloli Wrote:Hoyo, quick question. I assume your using the Virtual Camera script that Sham Bhangal (?) guy developed to move the camera in game, but what I can't figure out is how your getting the HUD to follow her or stay over her. Do you add it inside the Camera object, or do you have to move and reposition it manually ?

I use the Playshapes camera engine (I dont know which author he used as a base but I've seen he used at least 20% of Sham code. Then I've optimized it, letting it faster. More than 30% of the camera code is mine. HUD and ControlList follows the camera in a 'hacked' way. Inside the camera object, you will see _root.HUD and _root.ControlList. They follow the camera in a given _xcale and _yscale for every zoom type (every frame of a total of 4).

I tried to put HUD and ControlList objects inside the camera, but when I zoom in/out, they dont. Thats because the zoom in/out mechanism changes the whole camera object scale (for each zoom frame), including HUD and ControlList (they SHOULD NOT ZOOM along with the camera they pertain to). I may research it more later. I may see if I can cancel _xscale / _yscale of these two objects when scalling the father object (camera).

But ...hmmmm...Sham Bhangal...I will research more, because I think I can still remove some redundant code.

QuizmasterBos Wrote:Wait, taller? Ivan, did you even pay attention whilst playing the game? Don Pianta is even taller than Peach, you know.
Here's a screen-shot of Paper Mario. It's to compare Peach and Mario's sizes. The size difference is the same in TTYD:

Hmmm you're right! So, in this case, like this?

peach and don pianta.jpg
peach and don pianta.jpg (24.39 KiB) Viewed 5854 times


QuizmasterBos Wrote:Image

But hey! Those have...bad graphics :/ Are they from N64? A bad screenshot? Peach is not beautiful in this game :/ (I'll have a nightmare in my first day of 2013) :cry:
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Re: MiM: Peach's Untold Tale 1.8.9 (dec 29/12)

Postby QuizmasterBos » Mon Dec 31, 2012 4:08 pm

Ivan-Aedler Wrote:
QuizmasterBos Wrote:Wait, taller? Ivan, did you even pay attention whilst playing the game? Don Pianta is even taller than Peach, you know.
Here's a screen-shot of Paper Mario. It's to compare Peach and Mario's sizes. The size difference is the same in TTYD:

Hmmm you're right! So, in this case, like this?

Now, Peach would still be taller in this, if you don't count the tree on Don Pianta's head. He is actually even larger than that. Look at the comparison pictures again.

Ivan-Aedler Wrote:
QuizmasterBos Wrote:Image

But hey! Those have...bad graphics :/ Are they from N64? A bad screenshot? Peach is not beautiful in this game :/ (I'll have a nightmare in my first day of 2013) :cry:

What did I say?! It's from Paper Mario!
Spoiler (click to show/hide):

Image

And I couldn't find a good comparison shot from TTYD, so I used this one. And Paper Mario does not have bad graphics! That's just in your mind!
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Re: MiM: Peach's Untold Tale 1.8.9 (dec 29/12)

Postby Toyloli » Mon Dec 31, 2012 4:10 pm

Ivan-Aedler Wrote:But ...hmmmm...Sham Bhangal...I will research more, because I think I can still remove some redundant code.


[nodnodnod ... . . head falls off]
oops, sorry.
[screws head back on]

The only camera I could find that works for actionscript 3 (what I'm using in my program) is the one I attach now (poink)
It's a camera object which you can drag and drop into your script, and when you move the object around, resize it etc it causes the display to change/resize. That and cause it's an object with scripts embedded you can apply filters to the object and they apply to the resulting view.
Not sure how memory intensive it is.

Messing with this camera - there is an option in the coding 'Display = true/false' which will cause the visual contents of the camera object to be hidden/visible allowing me to insert my HUD in there.
No idea if this is useful to you or not.
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Re: MiM: Peach's Untold Tale 1.8.9 (dec 29/12)

Postby Ivan-Aedler » Mon Dec 31, 2012 4:21 pm

I want to start making MIPS.
Could I base my drawing from scratch using this one as a reference?

mips DevilishImmorality.jpg
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QuizmasterBos Wrote:Now, Peach would still be taller in this, if you don't count the tree on Don Pianta's head. He is actually even larger than that. Look at the comparison pictures again.

I did. I only think Don Pianta will be 'bigger than the expected', if I increase his size. Look at his already big hands in my pic of the last page. I think its already good as is, but I can try to increase Don Pianta height (not width). Or do you want me to experiment with a width increase too?

QuizmasterBos Wrote:What did I say?! It's from Paper Mario! And I couldn't find a good comparison shot from TTYD, so I used this one. And Paper Mario does not have bad graphics! That's just in your mind!

Hey I didnt want to be harsh, sorry! But if you look closer at Paper Peach in Paper Mario 1.... she's no cute (the developers could have worked more on her). But you will say 'its due to current limitations in that era', so I understand. (I will STILL have a nightmare) :lol: (my problem is: I may be a perfeccionist) :/ Peach deserves full detail quality in every Mario game.

Toyloli Wrote:The only camera I could find that works for actionscript 3 (what I'm using in my program) is the one I attach now (poink)

It can be used in the future, if I convert this game to AS3. AS2 is 100% incompatible with AS3.
The Cute Peach game (that will follow a more TTYD gameplay) will be AS3 but I still need to research more.
But a good thing is being done: working on MIM PUT, I'm also working on Cute Peach because both will be compatible (graphic related).

I've seen your PM. I'll answer it soon, because I want to give elaborate responses ;) You deserve it!
Last edited by Ivan-Aedler on Mon Dec 31, 2012 5:26 pm, edited 3 times in total.
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Re: MiM: Peach's Untold Tale 1.8.9 (dec 29/12)

Postby QuizmasterBos » Mon Dec 31, 2012 5:17 pm

Ivan-Aedler Wrote:
QuizmasterBos Wrote:Now, Peach would still be taller in this, if you don't count the tree on Don Pianta's head. He is actually even larger than that. Look at the comparison pictures again.

I did. I only think Don Pianta will be 'bigger than the expected', if I increase his size. Look at his already big hands in my pic of the last page. I think its already good as is, but I can try to increase Don Pianta height (not width). Or do you want me to experiment with a width increase too?

Maybe just a slight increase. I know we don't want him to look unbelievably huge.

Ivan-Aedler Wrote:
QuizmasterBos Wrote:What did I say?! It's from Paper Mario! And I couldn't find a good comparison shot from TTYD, so I used this one. And Paper Mario does not have bad graphics! That's just in your mind!

Hey I didnt want to be harsh, sorry! But if you look closer at Paper Peach in Paper Mario 1.... she's no cute (the developers could have worked more on her). But you will say 'its due to current limitations in that era', so I understand. (I will STILL have a nightmare) :lol: (my problem is: I may be a perfeccionist) :/ Peach deserves full detail quality in every Mario game.

Eh, maybe. But, truth is, that the N64 wasn't able to reproduce super nice graphics like the later PMs. And hey, it's gotta start somewhere right?

This is off-topic, but how are you going to celebrate New Year's eve?
I'll be with family and that means I won't be on-line starting from about 3 hours or so. Then I gotta sleep, so I'll be here again in at least 18 hours. In case you would be wondering later on, there you go.
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Re: MiM: Peach's Untold Tale 1.8.9 (dec 29/12)

Postby Ivan-Aedler » Mon Dec 31, 2012 5:25 pm

QuizmasterBos Wrote:Maybe just a slight increase. I know we don't want him to look unbelievably huge.

How about now?

peach and don pianta.jpg
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QuizmasterBos Wrote:Eh, maybe. But, truth is, that the N64 wasn't able to reproduce super nice graphics like the later PMs. And hey, it's gotta start somewhere right?

But N64 has good looking games! I just think they pixelated the sprites a bit (or too much) to give more power to the background and the game engine.

QuizmasterBos Wrote:This is off-topic, but how are you going to celebrate New Year's eve? I'll be with family and that means I won't be on-line starting from about 3 hours or so. Then I gotta sleep, so I'll be here again in at least 18 hours. In case you would be wondering later on, there you go.

Ok! Man, have a Happy New Year! I'll be wity my family (a small one, just 3 people total), but we will have 3 computers using WIFI, so we will make call with our relatives, use a webcam, and such. I can still be around here, while taking some coffee (I dont take Coke, its bad for the health). I may turn on the TV to see the fireworks around the world and that's all.

Please, Quiz, see the last PIC above about MIPS.
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Re: MiM: Peach's Untold Tale 1.8.9 (dec 29/12)

Postby QuizmasterBos » Mon Dec 31, 2012 5:40 pm

Ivan-Aedler Wrote:
QuizmasterBos Wrote:Maybe just a slight increase. I know we don't want him to look unbelievably huge.

How about now?

Looks good.

Ivan-Aedler Wrote:
QuizmasterBos Wrote:Eh, maybe. But, truth is, that the N64 wasn't able to reproduce super nice graphics like the later PMs. And hey, it's gotta start somewhere right?

But N64 has good looking games! I just think they pixelated the sprites a bit (or too much) to give more power to the background and the game engine.

I also think they could've done better, but I still think it turned out well. It's a fun game, quite similar to it's sequel, but not as well polished.
You should play this, but I would like to see you play at least 5 other more popular Mario titles first.

Ivan-Aedler Wrote:
QuizmasterBos Wrote:This is off-topic, but how are you going to celebrate New Year's eve? I'll be with family and that means I won't be on-line starting from about 3 hours or so. Then I gotta sleep, so I'll be here again in at least 18 hours. In case you would be wondering later on, there you go.

Ok! Man have a Happy New Year! I'll be wity my family (an small one), but we will have 3 computers using WIFI, so we will make call with our relatives, use a webcam, and such. I can still be around here, while taking some coffee (I dont take Coke, its bad for the health). I may turn on the TV to see the fireworks around the world and that's all.

I don't need a tv to watch fireworks and that is exactly the problem why I hate December so much.
Every kid is throwing around explosive firework, blowing everything up. You feel you're in the middle of a damn battlefield. And some of these bangs are LOUD! I don't like New Year's because of that reason. These fireworks kinda ruin it for me.
I wish I could go somewhere else on a holiday during this time. If only... if only.

Sorry, that was a bit ranty.

Ivan-Aedler Wrote:Please, Quiz, see the last PIC above about MIPS.

Well, MIPS is a very standard looking bunny. Not much detail, so the above pic is just fine. Except I don't think MIPS needs to be this large and doesn't need a particularly large penis. I think we can give some things in this game a more... appropriately sized penis. You also need to make him more yellow, like the original.
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Re: MiM: Peach's Untold Tale 1.8.9 (dec 29/12)

Postby Ivan-Aedler » Mon Dec 31, 2012 6:02 pm

QuizmasterBos Wrote:You should play this, but I would like to see you play at least 5 other more popular Mario titles first.

Soon! And no, not 5... I will play SMG1, then SMW (this time I will finish it), then SMW, then Paper Mario 1. Or any combination of those.

QuizmasterBos Wrote:I don't need a tv to watch fireworks and that is exactly the problem why I hate December so much.

I dont like fireworks' bombardment too! But I like to see the adornations in some cities, like London. That's the only reason I turn the TV on.

QuizmasterBos Wrote:Sorry, that was a bit ranty.

I understand, no problem!

QuizmasterBos Wrote:Well, MIPS is a very standard looking bunny. Not much detail, so the above pic is just fine. Except I don't think MIPS needs to be this large and doesn't need a particularly large penis.

No, he wont have a large dick, its only a reference after all. Ok, more yellow ;) We will see.
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Re: MiM: Peach's Untold Tale 1.8.9 (dec 29/12)

Postby QuizmasterBos » Mon Dec 31, 2012 6:27 pm

Ivan-Aedler Wrote:
QuizmasterBos Wrote:You should play this, but I would like to see you play at least 5 other more popular Mario titles first.

Soon! And no, not 5... I will play SMG1, then SMW (this time I will finish it), then SMW, then Paper Mario 1. Or any combination of those.

What about Sunshine, or SMRPG? Paper Mario 1 really doesn't have anything particularly useful for this game, so the only reason you'd play it is for fun. Which is fine, but the others are also fun and they are good for research purposes.

Ivan-Aedler Wrote:
QuizmasterBos Wrote:I don't need a tv to watch fireworks and that is exactly the problem why I hate December so much.

I dont like fireworks' bombardment too! But I like to see the adornations in some cities, like London. That's the only reason I turn the TV on.

Then count your blessings that you aren't here at the moment.

Ivan-Aedler Wrote:
QuizmasterBos Wrote:Well, MIPS is a very standard looking bunny. Not much detail, so the above pic is just fine. Except I don't think MIPS needs to be this large and doesn't need a particularly large penis.

No, he wont have a large dick, its only a reference after all. Ok, more yellow ;) We will see.

How big will you make MIPS in comparison to Peach? If you want to know how big he should be, then I can tell you this.
MIPS is about 60% Mario's length.Image
Mario is about 75%Peach's size in SM64 Image

Let's say Mario is exactly 1 meter tall. That's about 3.28 ft.
Since MIPS is 6o% of that, he should be obviously 60 cm, or almost 2 ft.
Peach is 25% taller than Mario in SM64 making her 1.25 meters or 4.1 ft (remember, this is only used for a simple comparison. Peach 's actual size is about 5.9-5.10 ft)
This means that Peach should be roughly twice the size of MIPS. Hope that helps!

(To clarify, I calculated MIPS size from his head, not the ears. And that means that MIPS' head should come up at just about Peach's navel.)
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Re: MiM: Peach's Untold Tale 1.8.9 (dec 29/12)

Postby Ivan-Aedler » Mon Dec 31, 2012 7:02 pm

QuizmasterBos Wrote:What about Sunshine, or SMRPG? Paper Mario 1 really doesn't have anything particularly useful for this game, so the only reason you'd play it is for fun. Which is fine, but the others are also fun and they are good for research purposes.

Ok so I'll play:
1) SM RPG
2) SMG
3) SMW
4) SMS

QuizmasterBos Wrote:How big will you make MIPS in comparison to Peach? If you want to know how big he should be, then I can tell you this.

Ok thanks! Well I can always resize him anyway later ;)

QuizmasterBos Wrote:Let's say Mario is exactly 1 meter tall. That's about 3.28 ft. Since MIPS is 6o% of that, he should be obviously 60 cm, or almost 2 ft.
Peach is 25% taller than Mario in SM64 making her 1.25 meters or 4.1 ft (remember, this is only used for a simple comparison. Peach 's actual size is about 5.9-5.10 ft)
This means that Peach should be roughly twice the size of MIPS. Hope that helps! (To clarify, I calculated MIPS size from his head, not the ears. And that means that MIPS' head should come up at just about Peach's navel.)

Thanks!

MIPS so far! (I'll make a way for his ears to 'close more' - animation)

mips.jpg
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Re: MiM: Peach's Untold Tale 1.8.9 (dec 29/12)

Postby QuizmasterBos » Mon Dec 31, 2012 7:11 pm

Ivan-Aedler Wrote:
QuizmasterBos Wrote:What about Sunshine, or SMRPG? Paper Mario 1 really doesn't have anything particularly useful for this game, so the only reason you'd play it is for fun. Which is fine, but the others are also fun and they are good for research purposes.

Ok so I'll play:
1) SM RPG
2) SMG
3) SMW
4) SMS

Are you going to play them in that order too?

Ivan-Aedler Wrote:
QuizmasterBos Wrote:How big will you make MIPS in comparison to Peach? If you want to know how big he should be, then I can tell you this.

Ok thanks! Well I can always resize him anyway later ;)

This is to help you save time on creating him. ;)

Ivan-Aedler Wrote:MIPS so far!

MIPS always has that weird sleepy/bored face. I don't even know why.
Oh, by the way. MIPS was kinda replaced in it's remake with these rabbits. This is a glowing version, but there is also a yellow, green,orange and pink one:
Image
He looks a lot more chipper in this. But I think you should give him neither of these expressions. Just come up with a good one. (What you got is pretty good, though)
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Re: MiM: Peach's Untold Tale 1.8.9 (dec 29/12)

Postby Ivan-Aedler » Mon Dec 31, 2012 7:18 pm

QuizmasterBos Wrote:Are you going to play them in that order too?

It could be!

QuizmasterBos Wrote: MIPS always has that weird sleepy/bored face. I don't even know why. Oh, by the way. MIPS was kinda replaced in it's remake with these rabbits. This is a glowing version, but there is also a yellow, green,orange and pink one. He looks a lot more chipper in this. But I think you should give him neither of these expressions. Just come up with a good one. (What you got is pretty good, though)

I really prefer him a bit bored ;) Thanks for the comparison so far.
A better version (so far). (I want to finish his limbs asap).

mips.jpg
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Re: MiM: Peach's Untold Tale 1.8.9 (dec 29/12)

Postby QuizmasterBos » Mon Dec 31, 2012 7:27 pm

Ivan-Aedler Wrote:
QuizmasterBos Wrote:Are you going to play them in that order too?

It could be!

I'm totally alright with your list. But you will be needing to play them via something first. Were you thinking of buying your Wii soon?
(If it's a money issue by the way, I will be able to help you out by lending you some money via PayPal. You can just pay me back later.)

Ivan-Aedler Wrote:
QuizmasterBos Wrote: MIPS always has that weird sleepy/bored face. I don't even know why. Oh, by the way. MIPS was kinda replaced in it's remake with these rabbits. This is a glowing version, but there is also a yellow, green,orange and pink one. He looks a lot more chipper in this. But I think you should give him neither of these expressions. Just come up with a good one. (What you got is pretty good, though)

I really prefer him a bit bored ;) Thanks for the comparison so far.
A better version (so far). (I want to finish his limbs asap).

It's looking good. His expression is difficult to describe, but it looks like a mix between smug/bored and a tiny hint of rape-y. I like it.

Well, it's just about time for me to leave to a relatives' house to celebrate New Year's and the bangs and explosions are only becoming worse.
*sigh* Let's hope I make it through alive.
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Re: MiM: Peach's Untold Tale 1.8.9 (dec 29/12)

Postby Ivan-Aedler » Mon Dec 31, 2012 8:28 pm

NEW HANDS:
Ok! Internet is still bugging me, so I made some new Peach hands while offline and fixed another one. Total of 15 hands! Can you find the new 2 hands I did and 1 hand I've fixed?
A side joke: Guinness Book on LOK? ;) Below, you can download it and use in any game you want (you can remove the sub objects you dont need, like clothes and gloves). Also dont forget to remove any code. And again: some hands are not perfect (anatomically) but they are decent for not so zoom-in scenes and many are better than other hands in many games.

guinness.jpg
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!!TODO - Peach new hands3.fla
(732.63 KiB) Downloaded 30 times

peach hands.jpg
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MIPS so far: Large balls on purpose!

Click to Play
(Javascript Required)

MIPS rabbit.swf [ 3.59 KiB | Viewed 5711 times ]


And when he cums (after the surprise sex) - Its his old version, I am just showing his eyes (how it will appear).

mips surprised.jpg
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QuizmasterBos Wrote:I'm totally alright with your list. But you will be needing to play them via something first. Were you thinking of buying your Wii soon?

No, dont worry, really, I'm come with something. Some games can be played in my friend's house. Some can wait. I dont have time to play for more than 1 hour per day (maximum) anyway.

QuizmasterBos Wrote:It's looking good. His expression is difficult to describe, but it looks like a mix between smug/bored and a tiny hint of rape-y. I like it.

Hehe yes!

QuizmasterBos Wrote:Well, it's just about time for me to leave to a relatives' house to celebrate New Year's and the bangs and explosions are only becoming worse.
*sigh* Let's hope I make it through alive.

I know. Everything will be well. Have a nice stay. I'll keep developing.

ASIAN, QUIZ and others. READ THIS ASAP!
Very important: The most dreadful enemies of all times! :o
http://www.destructoid.com/phanto-the-s ... 1258.phtml
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Re: MiM: Peach's Untold Tale 1.8.9 (dec 29/12)

Postby Ivan-Aedler » Tue Jan 01, 2013 4:38 am

Happy 2013!
I used the first hour working on Pantho code.
The code is complex (even not using trigonometric functions) so I may stick with single chase-then-make-a-curve-then-chase-again. But this may improve.

pantho.jpg
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Re: MiM: Peach's Untold Tale 1.8.9 (dec 29/12)

Postby AsianP3rsuas10n » Tue Jan 01, 2013 4:55 am

Code makes me cry at night :o
anyways cant wait to see him get implemented!

Just stopping by to say Happy New Years! I hope 2013 will be spectacular for everyone! Have a good "year" !!!
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Re: MiM: Peach's Untold Tale 1.8.9 (dec 29/12)

Postby Ivan-Aedler » Tue Jan 01, 2013 5:05 am

AsianP3rsuas10n Wrote:Code makes me cry at night :o
anyways cant wait to see him get implemented!
Just stopping by to say Happy New Years! I hope 2013 will be spectacular for everyone! Have a good "year" !!!

Thanks! You too, and Everyone ;)
Care to see which enemies can we make? I'm remembering of Ninjis and Chucks.
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Re: MiM: Peach's Untold Tale 1.8.9 (dec 29/12)

Postby MPLDAM9919 » Tue Jan 01, 2013 7:47 am

Pauline 2nd encounter (After 2 levels) By MPLDAM9919
Peach: AAAAAAAAH!!! Pauline!!!! What are you doing here?!?
Pauline: I'm here to get my revenge! DK managed to fall asleep and I snuck away. That wasou a a pretty clever trick you pulled on Dk but this time, you aren't getting away, Princess Bitch!
Peach: Excuse ME???
*Pauline throws off her dress and reveals that she's wearing a strapon*
Peach: Wait...Are you going to...AAAAAAAAAAIE!!!! DON'T RAPE ME!!!!
Pauline: That's right...PEPARE YOUR ANUS< LASSIE!!!
*Pauline rips off Peach's dress and shoves the strapon in her mouth*
Peach: MMMMMPH?!?
Pauline: That's right, you little slut! Suck IT!
*Peach then CLIMAXES*
Pauline: You enjoyed that? Well it's time for me to pound that tight kitten of yours!
*Pauline then grabs Peach and shoves her on the floor and they start doing it in the missionary postion*
Peach: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!! MAAAAAAAARIO!!!! SAVE MEEEEEEEE!!!
Pauline: I KEEP TELLING YOU!!! Mario is MINE!!!! It's not my fault I cheated on him with Donkey Kong! And then you showed up and STOLE HIM AWAY!
*Peach then CLIMAXES*
Peach: Wait...You CHEATED ON HIM?!?
Pauline: Yes! I cheated on him! Doing with Donkey Kong was the besst experince I ever...HEY!!! SHUT UP!! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU SOME MORE!
*They then switch to the doggystyle postion*
Peach: AAAAAAAAAH!!! STOP IT!! IT'S TOO HARD!!!
Pauline: Heh..Heh...it's cute when you beg for mercy. I'm going to make you cum so hard!
*Peach then CLIMAXES extremely*
[Pauline then takes off her strapon and Peach sits up]
Peach: How can you be so...so...disloyal when you were with Mario?
Pauline: Because, you spotlight stealer, DK wang is...EEEEEP! *Donkey Kong sneaks up from behine and has surprise buttsex with Pauline*
Pauline: Oooooooh Donkey Kong!!!<3 You marvelous ape!<3 FUCK ME!!!<3 FUCK MY PUSSY!
DK: Oook! OOOOK!
Peach:...Ummmmmm...maybe I should leave you two to make love in peace.
*End scene and a continuation of animation of DK fucking Pauline*
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MPLDAM9919
 
Joined: Wed Jun 06, 2012 5:23 am

Re: MiM: Peach's Untold Tale 1.8.9 (dec 29/12)

Postby AsianP3rsuas10n » Tue Jan 01, 2013 10:47 am

Wait wait wait... will Pauline even be a main important character?
If not There is no need for such long lines. So intricate. They switched to about 4-5 different positions here in your lines.


Ivan your okay with this? I mean will you be able to make these scenes?
I mean I like MPL's lines but they are quite overwhelming with actions to say the least

May I add some critique of my own as well while I'm at it?
Warning Quite Harsh Criticism
Spoiler (click to show/hide):

1. No need for so many "!" waste of space and isnt necessary. (Also refrain from it due to the fact that they would not be screaming at each other)
2. Keep from going either into a very complicated long line (Ex: I KEEP TELLING YOU!!! Mario is MINE!!!! It's not my fault I cheated on him with Donkey Kong! And then you showed up and STOLE HIM AWAY!) This is an example of how over using the "!" can waste a lot of space. Not to mention this could be misleading as you mentioned Donkey Kong and then said that Peach came and stole him away which could be implied as Peach took DK. Long lines are bad but lines that confuse the player is worse. Refrain from that while writing.
3. KEEP IN CHARACTER - I read this whole thing over and it's literally Peach screaming for her life as if she is getting murdered. Peach is shy, timid, and well embarrassed to have sex. So she would not scream. She wimper and try to pat the hand that tries to rape her away. Scream when penetrated sure but not "DONT RAPE ME!!!!"

There are a lot of mistakes or revisions that can be made in these lines. Of course I'm not saying you are terrible and should stop, I'm just giving advice to help you out in the future. You have great potential to be writer, you just need a little help thats all. I hope this wasnt too harsh or anything. Keep up the good work!


May I also put out another opinion while I'm at it. I think we should halt on the lines dont you think? We have many that still need to be implemented and still many more other things that need to be added. I know I'm not doing anything myself, I would think on top of all the things Ivan is doing, the lines may be overwhelming. May I recommend only, Quiz and MPL and whoever else work on lines only? There is no rush on lines as we have yet to even make the characters/implement them into the game, so you guys could have someone write it down and when the time comes show it to Ivan and any revisions need would be done there. I know I'm being a bit bossy right now but if I cant work on flash, I'd like to try to reduce work for Ivan and organize things so we arent doing lines one minute and animating the next. I'd be glad to help out with the lines or even drawing in my free time. Of course I do not really promise anything. I'm really quite impressed at how fast of a pace this is going. Sorry for sounding like a total asshole but it's 5 in the morning and I have yet to get any sleep. So yea... Have a good new years!
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AsianP3rsuas10n
 
Joined: Tue May 22, 2012 10:23 pm
Location: Somewhere in the MIM PUT section...

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