New WIP CYOA game

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New WIP CYOA game

Postby Floffles » Sun Sep 20, 2015 6:17 am

Hi there! I've lurked around here for a while now but never became a member until I got the idea to make a game. So here I am!
The game I'm working on is a CYOA adventure in Twine.

Main plot: 20 years ago, a mad, corrupted king ruled the (currently unnamed) kingdom. One brave man sought to take him down. With the help of the church, he summoned a powerful goddess who agreed to aid him in restoring peace and order. They gathered as many fighters as they could find who would help them in their cause and ambushed the king, storming his castle in the dead of night. They managed to fight their way into the king's quarters, where they managed to subdue him. Many guards were eager to turn on their king, quickly betraying their brethren in the name of justice and freedom. After capturing, killing, or turning all of the guards who hadn't fled already, they dragged the king to the gallows he had built in plain sight of his chamber window. Many commoners and nobles alike had already gathered around the castle, disturbed by the echoing yells and clangs of fighting. The crowd began to cheer as they executed the king, the resonating roar beckoning any citizens who had not joined the cheering crowd to leave their homes and do so. Cherished by all, the brave (also currently unnamed) man was crowned as the new king. His intentions, however, were not so pure as everyone thought. With the help of the priests, he trapped the goddess who had aided his quest, keeping her as his sex slave. In return, the priests were allowed free use over her body. That is, until the king grew jealous. He banished the priests, wanting the goddess to himself. He soon drove the kingdom into a state of lust and chaos. Buildings that were once holy monuments had now been re-purposed to be used as brothels, priestesses and nuns selling their bodies as prostitutes. The goddess birthed three children for the king, a boy, a girl, and a hermaphrodite. Each possessed strength and intellect that far surpassed any regular human, though they are far from godly.

His oldest son is now 21, his hermaphrodite daughter is now 20, and his youngest daughter is now 18. His cleric has recently discovered that he has fallen ill, and only has a few years left to live. He decides that it's time to choose a successor between his two eldest children. He begins a competition between the two. Whichever child creates the largest harem for their father will take the throne, and the king will live out the rest of his life happily surrounded by lustful sluts begging for his cock. You play as his (you guessed it, currently unnamed) hermaphrodite daughter, and basically you have to go around picking up slaves for your harem and become the queen.

So here's the deal. I'd say I'm a pretty alright writer, but I'm far from the level I've seen on some stuff around here. I'm curious if there's anyone around here who'd be interested in writing a couple of scenes, or even just proofreading and offering any tips or criticism you might have. Any help is appreciated! I also want to know if anyone thinks this actually sounds interesting, or if I'm a horrible person. Be gentle, senpai.

Edit: I was pretty tired when I made this post (had actually been up all night working on it) so I skipped a few details that might be good to know. The game plays somewhat like a sim, where you can choose which area you want to visit and what you want to do there. Also thought I'd list some of the fetishes that are planned so far, so you can get a feel for if it interests you or not : slaves (obviously), futanari (also obvious), incest, BDSM (avoidable), furry (avoidable), pseudo-rape (avoidable), somnophilia (mostly avoidable), humiliation (avoidable), gangbanging (avoidable), etc. Possible pairings include h/f, h/m, h/f/m, m/h/m, f/h/f

Prototype build here: https://mega.nz/#!8hZwzTwb!X65cAYdHdR1y ... fhxG5MZ_fk
For anyone who wants to try it out and leave some advice/criticism :D All the writing is rough summaries at the moment
Last edited by Floffles on Wed Sep 23, 2015 3:00 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: New WIP CYOA game

Postby VintageBass » Sun Sep 20, 2015 2:52 pm

*raises hand* I do have writing experience, so I might help out when I can.
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Re: New WIP CYOA game

Postby Floffles » Mon Sep 21, 2015 2:28 pm

That would be great! Right now I've got ~50 passages with rough summaries as placeholders, with I believe 15-20 containing sex scenes. I could send you the file and you can see which ones you might be interested in doing?
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Re: New WIP CYOA game

Postby VintageBass » Mon Sep 21, 2015 3:08 pm

Floffles Wrote:That would be great! Right now I've got ~50 passages with rough summaries as placeholders, with I believe 15-20 containing sex scenes. I could send you the file and you can see which ones you might be interested in doing?

It'll be nice to see, but first you might want to get some posts in before you can send me anything through PM. Try checking out some of the other topics and post there to get your post count up! :)
Read A Cinnabar Nudist's Story here!

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Re: New WIP CYOA game

Postby Floffles » Mon Sep 21, 2015 4:15 pm

VintageBass Wrote:
Floffles Wrote:That would be great! Right now I've got ~50 passages with rough summaries as placeholders, with I believe 15-20 containing sex scenes. I could send you the file and you can see which ones you might be interested in doing?

It'll be nice to see, but first you might want to get some posts in before you can send me anything through PM. Try checking out some of the other topics and post there to get your post count up! :)


Will do! :D
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Re: New WIP CYOA game

Postby Floffles » Wed Sep 23, 2015 12:18 am

I've got a good portion of the game plotted out now. There are currently 9 possible slaves, and (I think) 7 daily scheduled events. If anyone wants to see how it's going so far and offer some criticism, or if you like it and want to possibly write a scene or two, check it out! :D Just remember that all of the writing done so far is rough summaries. Some have a bit more detail than others as a general guideline for how I'm planning them to go. https://mega.nz/#!Ao4xBADC!JaEfGHMLjcG_ ... BueU3gnCfo
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Re: New WIP CYOA game

Postby Nanospliccer » Wed Sep 23, 2015 1:04 am

Well, since my other project sort of... went up in a puff of smoke, and I feel like I'm a reasonably good writer/editor, I'd be willing to help a fellow lurker person work through a project. Not only that, but I have some considerable experience with the Harlowe Twine syntax, so if you need any programming help, I can assist you there.

(Technically, I'm also making a twine CYOA right now, and I really should be spending most of my time on that, but if you don't tell my right brain, I should be fine.)
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Re: New WIP CYOA game

Postby Floffles » Wed Sep 23, 2015 2:02 am

I'm using sugarcube, and I think I've got a good enough grasp of it to get by for now, but if I ever have an issue I'll be sure to come to you! And if you wanted to do some writing or proofreading when you've got some down time, that'd be wonderful! :D
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Re: New WIP CYOA game

Postby Nanospliccer » Wed Sep 23, 2015 5:20 am

Sure! Send me your source file, if you please, over a P.M. I'll get right to it.
Also, I think I must note... I started your prototype on Chrome from the .html file, instantly got an error, and couldn't start it. Here's a capture of the error report:
https://i.gyazo.com/96661334495f99c448a ... 6738b4.png
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Re: New WIP CYOA game

Postby KroliKoff » Wed Sep 23, 2015 5:42 am

Bugs:
1. Visit blacksmith
Spoiler (click to show/hide):

Ever since your father sent the kingdom into a state of lust and chaos, owning slaves has once again become legal.

Error: <<if>>: bad conditional expression in <<if>> clause: BlacksmithSlave is not defined
Look around the shop
Go back to town
2. dead-end in the tavern
Approach the man
Spoiler (click to show/hide):

Double-click this passage to edit it.
3. I can endless visit Slaver hideout.
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Re: New WIP CYOA game

Postby Floffles » Wed Sep 23, 2015 1:59 pm

Nanospliccer Wrote:Sure! Send me your source file, if you please, over a P.M. I'll get right to it.
Also, I think I must note... I started your prototype on Chrome from the .html file, instantly got an error, and couldn't start it. Here's a capture of the error report:
https://i.gyazo.com/96661334495f99c448a ... 6738b4.png


I think I might have fixed it, try this one https://mega.nz/#!8hZwzTwb!X65cAYdHdR1y ... fhxG5MZ_fk
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Re: New WIP CYOA game

Postby Floffles » Wed Sep 23, 2015 2:04 pm

KroliKoff Wrote:Bugs:
1. Visit blacksmith
Spoiler (click to show/hide):

Ever since your father sent the kingdom into a state of lust and chaos, owning slaves has once again become legal.

Error: <<if>>: bad conditional expression in <<if>> clause: BlacksmithSlave is not defined
Look around the shop
Go back to town
2. dead-end in the tavern
Approach the man
Spoiler (click to show/hide):

Double-click this passage to edit it.
3. I can endless visit Slaver hideout.


Thank you thank you thank you! Aaaaahhh you're awesome here's a fixed version https://mega.nz/#!8hZwzTwb!X65cAYdHdR1y ... fhxG5MZ_fk

1. Forgot to tag the variable properly oops!
2. Forgot to finish that part, double oops! Added a link back to town until I finish that
3. Planning on adding more to do there, but thanks for the reminder!
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Re: New WIP CYOA game

Postby VintageBass » Wed Sep 23, 2015 2:45 pm

Just a quick thing: you can edit your first post so you can add any new edits in, without posting the new updates in replies, just so they won't go out of date~
Read A Cinnabar Nudist's Story here!

"Just because you can put your dick in it, it doesn't mean you can fuck it"
- Nash Bozard
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Re: New WIP CYOA game

Postby Nanospliccer » Wed Sep 23, 2015 9:37 pm

Alright, so... the source file is... rather a tangled web. I'm going to look over it first for spelling and grammatical mistakes, and then start filling in some of the blank spaces you've left, if you don't mind.
Any other prospective editors might wish to wait until the OP posts an edited version, as it's likely that I will find almost everything. Then we'll fix whatever I've missed over the next... period of time?
Yes, exactly one period of time. Sounds good.
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Re: New WIP CYOA game

Postby Floffles » Wed Sep 23, 2015 10:02 pm

Nanospliccer Wrote:Alright, so... the source file is... rather a tangled web. I'm going to look over it first for spelling and grammatical mistakes, and then start filling in some of the blank spaces you've left, if you don't mind.
Any other prospective editors might wish to wait until the OP posts an edited version, as it's likely that I will find almost everything. Then we'll fix whatever I've missed over the next... period of time?
Yes, exactly one period of time. Sounds good.


Haha, sorry about that. In my mind, it's all all organized quite well, but in reality it's a mess. :P You don't have to worry so much about grammar and stuff at the moment, because most of what's written is going to be replaced, as most of it is just placeholder. Also, I'd kind of prefer if you just sent me whatever you write and include the passage name instead. Partly because it's easier for me to keep track of that way, and partly because I've been learning how to use twine as I do this, so it's really all a mess and I don't want you to have to sort through it all haha. Would that be okay with you?
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Re: New WIP CYOA game

Postby KroliKoff » Wed Sep 23, 2015 10:32 pm

Bug in brothel:
Beast girl
Spoiler (click to show/hide):

You fuck the fox girl. Error: <<if>>: bad conditional expression in <<if>> clause: TalkedToFox is not defined

Clean up and return to the main floor
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Re: New WIP CYOA game

Postby Floffles » Thu Sep 24, 2015 1:53 am

KroliKoff Wrote:Bug in brothel:
Beast girl
Spoiler (click to show/hide):

You fuck the fox girl. Error: <<if>>: bad conditional expression in <<if>> clause: TalkedToFox is not defined

Clean up and return to the main floor


Aaaaah! Thank you!
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