chuck norris "facts"

[bruiserdemon]

each person says one "fact" about Chuck Norris (4 teh lolz/win)

i'll start

giraffes were created because Chuck Norris punched a horse in the chin

(capitalize his name or risk his wrath XD)

[yea_well_FUCK_YOU]

well, in keeping with the animal theme,

there is no such thing as evolution, there are only species Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

and because I am the king of all Chuck Norris jokes, one of my favorites,

Chuck Norris does not own a house, he simply walks into random houses, and people move.

[dencheti]

The Boogie-man looks under his bed for Chuck Norris.
Freddie Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zj2Zf9tlg2Y

[BlueLight]

Duke Nukem is Chuch Norris Dad, Son and Mother.

[bed_intruder]

The only reason you can breathe is that trees gasp air when they see chuck norris...or something.

[BlueLight]

Google knows that you don't find Chunk Norris. Chunk Norris finds you.

[Zaraki]

Chuck Norris is over rated. It's about Kenshiro and the Fist of the North Star. He made chuck Norris cry by glancing at the fly on his shoulder. And then chopping it in two with his spit. Yeah, he's that good.

[holyfamily4]

Chuck Norris served in the United States Air Force when he was younger.

This isn't one of those piece of shit chuck norris "facts"

[yea_well_FUCK_YOU]

do you know what causes the tide? whent here is high tide, it means that chuck norris is flying over that area, because god is pissing his pants.

[haloman]

Chuck Norris will be personally be teaching Zaraki about blowing fly's up like atom bombs just by blinking at them.
Chuck Norris boesnt battle, he just allows you to loose.
Optimis prime was born when a few drops of Chuck Norris's semen fell into a semi's engine
Chuck Norris is his own religion.
Sperm whales are actually Chuck Norris's sperm that seeped into the ocean.

I am the one who claims the title of Chuck Norris joke king, who dares challenge me?!

[urielmanx7]

When Chuck Norris look into the horizon, he sees he's own back.
Chuck Norris can make a good hentai game in an hour withouth knowing flash.

[thedude9351]

There was once a street named Chuck Norris it was changed because no one survives if they cross Chuck Norris
Children are sad when they learn Santa isn't real they are sadder when they learn Chuck Norris is
Chuck Norris masturbates at boxing matches because all he sees is Pussies
Chuck Norris had an emotional breakdown once, emotion begged for mercy
Chuck Norris can play guitar on drums
Chuck Norris does not have to find a four leaf clover... it presents itself.

I challenge you

[haloman]

Challenge excepted... Bring it on

Chuck Norris once shot down a plane by making a gun with his fingers and saying "bang"
Once a year on his birthday Chuck Norris picks one lucky child to throw into the sun
Chuck Norris created the universe by passing gas
Chuck Norris doesn't read, words arrange themselves in front of him out of fear.
There is no such thing as music, its just Chuck Norris's voice
Monster Energy is actually Chuck Norris's piss

[Zaraki]

Chuck Norris will be personally be teaching Zaraki about blowing fly's up like atom bombs just by blinking at them.
Chuck Norris boesnt battle, he just allows you to loose.
Optimis prime was born when a few drops of Chuck Norris's semen fell into a semi's engine
Chuck Norris is his own religion.
Sperm whales are actually Chuck Norris's sperm that seeped into the ocean.

I am the one who claims the title of Chuck Norris joke king, who dares challenge me?!

Chuck Norris, Kenshiro,Bruce Lee, Samurai Jack, Goku,and Vegeta(among others) are all in the same clan of super human accomplishers, so It is all into locative paradigm.
Remember my friend, Chuck Norris is from the west and I am from the east, where Kenshiro has hailed, so I miss the contention that he has over Kenshiro.

Then again.....Chuck Norris may be over there becuase Kenshiro was the man whom split the earth into north, south, east, and west doing only the splits, and forced Chuck Norris to make a name for himself over there as opposed to doing so in the martial arts capital of the world. Hehe

[haloman]

Chuck Norris will be personally be teaching Zaraki about blowing fly's up like atom bombs just by blinking at them.
Chuck Norris boesnt battle, he just allows you to loose.
Optimis prime was born when a few drops of Chuck Norris's semen fell into a semi's engine
Chuck Norris is his own religion.
Sperm whales are actually Chuck Norris's sperm that seeped into the ocean.

I am the one who claims the title of Chuck Norris joke king, who dares challenge me?!

Chuck Norris, Kenshiro,Bruce Lee, Samurai Jack, Goku,and Vegeta(among others) are all in the same clan of super human accomplishers, so It is all into locative paradigm.
Remember my friend, Chuck Norris is from the west and I am from the east, where Kenshiro has hailed, so I miss the contention that he has over Kenshiro.

Then again.....Chuck Norris may be over there becuase Kenshiro was the man whom split the earth into north, south, east, and west doing only the splits, and forced Chuck Norris to make a name for himself over there as opposed to doing so in the martial arts capital of the world. Hehe

I see... So say Chuck and your Kenshiro where to do battle, it would basically end the world as we know it?

I mean come on. We all know a few things here.
A: Master Chief is his son
B: Samus is his daughter
C:He doesnt have kids, he makes them to his liking.

[yea_well_FUCK_YOU]

there are only two people strong enough to beat Chuck Norris, both of them, are Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once kicked a McDonalds so hard, it became a Wendy's
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at burger king... and got one.
in Texas, at McDonalds, there is one size bigger than supersized, if you have about 10-15 starving people with you, simply ask for your meal Chuck-sized.
brokeback mountain isn't just a movie, its also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris once fought Bruce Lee, after creating a parallel universe, and then destroying it, when Chuck blocked a single punch from Bruce, they agreed it was too dangerous to ever try again.
Chuck Norris once brought a recently deceased goat back to life by nuzzling with its beard on the set of walker texas ranger, shortly afterwards he killed the goat. this was simply to show that the good chuck giveth, and the good chuck he taketh away.
when Chuck Norris does pushups, he isn't pushing himself up, he's actually pushing the earth down.
it is said that Chuck Norris once stared down Godzilla, with his eyes closed. and it is true.
cloning is illegal, because if the technology were developed, and somebody cloned Chuck Norris, the two of them could fight, which would destroy the world.
there are no weapons of mass destruction in the middle east, Chuck Norris lives in Texas.
on the set of Walker Texas Ranger, the phrase 'break a leg' is meant to hope that a broken leg is the worst injury you recieve, this has never been the case.
Chuck Norris has a third fist, in his beard.

need I go on? I believe, I win.

[thedude9351]

Chuck Norris goes to the Bermuda Triangle for vacation
When Chuck Norris breaks the speed limit, no one can put it back together again.
Chuck Norris can beat anyone in teamdeath match using a Guitar Hero controller
In December of 2012, Johnny Knoxville will prank Chuck Norris. Even the Mayans knew this would be a bad idea.
Everyone has an inner child. Chuck Norris ate his for breakfast
Chuck was in the original cast of Texas Chainsaw Massacre but left because he didn't understand why he needed a chainsaw for the 'effects'.
Chuck Norris can Moonwalk on the Sun.
Chuck Norris doesn't need a fallout shelter, HE IS the shelter.
Chuck Norris can roast marshmallows using the fireplace channel at Christmas time.
Chuck Norris is actually the best bodyguard in the world, too bad he is self employed
Eminem sang "I'm Not Afraid" and Chuck Norris said "I like the way you lie"
You win some, you lose some. Except for Chuck Norris, he wins everything.
Chuck Norris caught all the 493 Pokemon... With the Yellow version.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because the only element Chuck Norris recognizes is the element of surprise
chuck norris is supermans hero
Chuck Norris does not know the meaning of life, only how to take it.

[yea_well_FUCK_YOU]

When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris won American Idol using only sign language
Fear of spiders is aracnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is chlaustraphobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic
Chuck Norris won the World Series of Poker using Pokemon cards
Ghosts sit around the campfire and tell Chuck Norris stories.
Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number. You answer the wrong phone.
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death, he beats it fair and square.
Once the cop pulled over Chuck Norris....the cop was lucky to leave with a warning.
Chuck Norris is so awesome he created fire by rubbbing two ice cubes together.
When Chuck Norris pokes you on Facebook you can feel it
Chuck Norris's tears cure every disease known to man. Too bad Chuck Norris never cries.
Chuck Norris does not have a middle name, nobody gets between Chuck Norris.
Did you know Chuck Norris had a role in Star Wars......he was the force.
Chuck Norris sued Facebook for posting his newest victims list
Chuck Norris sued MySpace for the rights to what he calls "everything around him".
Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.
Chuck Norris uses paper to cut scissors.
Some magicans can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.
Chuck Norris can cut through a hot knife with butter
Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.
Chuck Norris once urinated in a semi truck's gas tank as a joke....that truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
Chuck Norris can sit in the corner of a circular room.
Handicapped Parking is reserved for Chuck Norris. The picture shows what will happen to you if you take his spot.
Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet, he scares the shit out of it
When Chuck Norris puts milk on Rice Krispies they keep quiet.
Everyone knows Chuck Norris' pet rock... he named it "Earth."
Chuck Norris The Film in 3D was actually banned after the first showing when a 3D roundhouse kick accidently killed the entire audience
The second hardest element in the universe is Chuck Norris. The first only comes into existance when Chuck gets excited.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Chuck Norris uses a sundial at night.
Chuck Norris doesn't need twitter, he's already following you.
NASA beams episodes of Walker, Texas Ranger to outer space as a warning for Aliens of what will happen if they invade Earth.
Few people can go down Niagra Falls in a barrel. Chuck Norris can go up Niagra Falls in a carboard box.
Light just wishes it was a fast as one of Chuck's fists.
Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter.
Chuck Norris can beat you in a game of Connect Four in three moves
Avatar's were invented when Chuck Norris laid an uppercut to a smurf.
Chuck Norris was denied auditioning for "Mission Impossible", for obvious reasons.
When Google has a question.... It ChuckNorris' it.
if you spell Chuck Norris' name wrong in a google search it will not say Did You Mean "Chuck Norris"? it will say Goodbye, because Chuck Norris will already be standing behind you.
Chuck Norris killed the Terminator, and he never came back.

[yea_well_FUCK_YOU]

I feel betrayed, that I spent an hour putting this damn thing together, and the thread died -.-

Chuck Norris was once asked "could you please tell me, is it possible to see god and live" Chuck Norris replied "yes" and granted the man life for saying please.

[Zaraki]

I fall out of place here becuase I believe Kenshiro is Chuck Norris' daddy. This thread would become Kenshiro vs.Chuck Norris if such was the case.