by Thaedael » Sun Jul 01, 2012 3:48 am
It's funny, when I am here and want appreciation I get hate-mail. When I am gone, ignoring the forums, ignoring moderating, I get fan mail.
I been having a crisis of my mind and what not, and wondering what I wanted to do with my life after having realized some of the weaknesses surrounding myself after my father lost his job. Long story short after weeks of introspection I am lucky to realize how far ahead of the game I am against the rest of the world, and just my friends alone. I love my father, and it may have taken 23 years to realize it, but he has always been behind me, even when I have fucked up or refused to grow up. Sadly, I only realized this now, when he is moving away, and I will probably not see him again for years to come. It's a bitter sweet moment and I want to cry, but at the same time I am going to really look forward to spending the next two weeks with him while I can.
If someone had asked me 4 years ago where I wanted to have been, I would have said a bio-chemist working for forensice. Had someone asked me three years ago what I wanted to be, I would have said I wanted to be an artist. Had someone asked me two years ago what I wanted, I would have said a writer. If someone asked me last year what I wanted to be, I would have said a drop-out, or anything but a home-less person. Even when I had contemplated about the worst of my life, in the most selfish of ways possible, I was spiraling out of control, sheltering myself away from others and from help. I was ready to quit university after being stuck in it for four years, but instead I finally found a passion in life. After a few fuck ups I finally got in the program, before getting accepted in the shittiest degree of that area of studies. This is a bach. in urban studies. I barely made the cut off for the bach in actual urban planning, and then this christmas finally the spec bsc of urban planning. Last year this time my GPA sucked, since then I managed to get my marks aduited, and ask for the deletion of some of my shittier classes, and now I am sitting on a good marks, applying for the transfer to Bsc. Urban Planning Specialization - Honors, and eventually a masters.
A lot of bad things have happened, and from now on I will be busy, but life is good, so stop pming me asking me if I suicided or hate you.