[RPG Maker] X-Girl V.0.2 - NEW!

[JivaSan]

☢ Version 0.2 - public release ☢

It happened in 2000.
The government decided to get rid of the threat that was called a MUTANT.
The action, taken to manufacture weapons to fight this enemy, reached unprecedented size. This weapon was called "R-X", or "medicine".
It can completely block the supernatural power of mutants that had a high level of positive result.

It was an accident that put a talented mutant aka Mystique right at the center of this action. Having lost ability to change her face due to the "medicine's" effect, she has to share the same body with an ordinary housewife Emma. It remains to be seen whether she could get back all she lost and avenge...

If you have any questions, please contact me at my Patreon page

Screenshots:

Spoiler (click to show/hide):

List of fetishes:

Spoiler (click to show/hide):

• ADV
• Big tits
• Rape
• Straight
• Lesbianism
• Lingerie
• Dressing
• Voyeurism
• Mysticism
• Spanking
• Masturbation

[Abelius]

Looks promising. The plot is original, your maps look lively and well designed and the art is also sexy. It could turn out to be pretty good.

However, you should totally look for a proofreader/editor. English is not my main language and my eyes cried blood all the same. It's very distracting. Not trying to make fun of you, just my humble advice. At Lemmasoft forums there is a good deal of people willing to collab, and they're specialized in visual novels.

Also, providing better directions or even a quest journal would be nice. I was for five good minutes looking for the Library around the map, and when I was going to give up I went inside an "Inn" only to discover that it was the library. Just some sparkling effect would have been enough. That's a minor thing though.

Good work overall!

[JivaSan]

Version updated!

• Following my players' requests I added some hints at the beginning.
• Now players don't have to search for the library (inappropriate hotel sign was deleted).
• You have a hint where to go training.
• It's easier to find the sex shop.
• Some semantic errors were fixed.

[JivaSan]

Looks promising. The plot is original, your maps look lively and well designed and the art is also sexy. It could turn out to be pretty good.

However, you should totally look for a proofreader/editor. English is not my main language and my eyes cried blood all the same. It's very distracting. Not trying to make fun of you, just my humble advice. At Lemmasoft forums there is a good deal of people willing to collab, and they're specialized in visual novels.

Also, providing better directions or even a quest journal would be nice. I was for five good minutes looking for the Library around the map, and when I was going to give up I went inside an "Inn" only to discover that it was the library. Just some sparkling effect would have been enough. That's a minor thing though.

Good work overall!

Thanks for the answer!)
I do my best.

I understand, but I don't get enough to pay someone for that, and people who do it free, they often go away as easy as the come to you.
Could you give me an example where I did wrong?

[Abelius]

I understand, but I don't get enough to pay someone for that, and people who do it free, they often go away as easy as the come to you.

I'd tend to agree with you, but that forum is known to be a hub of well-intentioned people, as well reasonably professional. Take a look here:
https://lemmasoft.renai.us/forums/viewforum.php?f=63

Could you give me an example where I did wrong?

I'm Spanish, and although my English is more or less good, I'm not the best advisor regarding correct American English and slang.

In fact, we resourced to a fan to do proofreading for our own game. But just as an example:

Spoiler (click to show/hide):

I'd have written instead...:
After successfully completing several experiments, it was decided to attack the enemy first, "curing" the most dangerous of them.
And in order to implement the plan, several hazard categories were devised.

Again, I insist that I'm not a native English speaker, so I may well be wrong or not totally correct, but I think this is more clear for anyone who's trying to make sense of the story. That's why I used the word "editor", because the main issue is not an occasional typo, but a 'style' problem, I think.

Anyway, I see many little charming details in your game, and I recognize a work of love when I see one. Don't let my criticism let you down and keep the good work!

[Ungawa]

I might take a look after a few updates. I've been so busy with another project that it's basically taken me away from doing any spell checks.

@Abelius

I'm assuming a scientist is saying this in game? What should be happening is that a scientist has a process to what they're saying and a method to their madness.

The sentence should start with the process of determination and such. I'd write it like this:

Our team found a few positive results that lead us to a branch of enemy elimination. The cure (Specimen #69) seemed to be the most dangerous of them. The plan we'd come up with had to be given its own hazard grade given these conditions

The reason for this is to have a scientist, built for lab subjects and controlled environment, give a nonchalant answer that seems to hide how much of a hazard the mission really is. Of course, there's also context and what you're saying is a good alternative. But giving characters a spot of personality after you see the text can certainly assist in making the game stand out.

[musical74]

"Our team found a few positive results that lead us to a branch of enemy elimination. The cure (Specimen #69) seemed to be the most dangerous of them. The plan we'd come up with had to be given its own hazard grade given these conditions"

Beast said it! (if you know enough about the X-men, this should give you a laugh; he is a scientist after all...)

[JivaSan]

I understand, but I don't get enough to pay someone for that, and people who do it free, they often go away as easy as the come to you.

I'd tend to agree with you, but that forum is known to be a hub of well-intentioned people, as well reasonably professional. Take a look here:
https://lemmasoft.renai.us/forums/viewforum.php?f=63

Could you give me an example where I did wrong?

I'm Spanish, and although my English is more or less good, I'm not the best advisor regarding correct American English and slang.

In fact, we resourced to a fan to do proofreading for our own game. But just as an example:

Spoiler (click to show/hide):

I'd have written instead...:
After successfully completing several experiments, it was decided to attack the enemy first, "curing" the most dangerous of them.
And in order to implement the plan, several hazard categories were devised.

Again, I insist that I'm not a native English speaker, so I may well be wrong or not totally correct, but I think this is more clear for anyone who's trying to make sense of the story. That's why I used the word "editor", because the main issue is not an occasional typo, but a 'style' problem, I think.

Anyway, I see many little charming details in your game, and I recognize a work of love when I see one. Don't let my criticism let you down and keep the good work!

Your version sounds much better.

Now with your help I seem to find my main mistake: I should't translate text word for word. I'll try to change my thinking.

Thanks for the link. I'll try it.

Your comment is like a glass of cold water in the heat!
I'll keep doing my best!

Offtopic: I studied spanish at university, but seem to forget all I knew except one
Muchas gracias!

[JivaSan]

"Our team found a few positive results that lead us to a branch of enemy elimination. The cure (Specimen #69) seemed to be the most dangerous of them. The plan we'd come up with had to be given its own hazard grade given these conditions"

Beast said it! (if you know enough about the X-men, this should give you a laugh; he is a scientist after all...)

When I was translating a text, I couldn't even imagine that it could be said like this.
I hope, someday I can do it.
Thank you!

[Darthjake]

I might take a look after a few updates. I've been so busy with another project that it's basically taken me away from doing any spell checks.

@Abelius

I'm assuming a scientist is saying this in game? What should be happening is that a scientist has a process to what they're saying and a method to their madness.

The sentence should start with the process of determination and such. I'd write it like this:

Our team found a few positive results that lead us to a branch of enemy elimination. The cure (Specimen #69) seemed to be the most dangerous of them. The plan we'd come up with had to be given its own hazard grade given these conditions

The reason for this is to have a scientist, built for lab subjects and controlled environment, give a nonchalant answer that seems to hide how much of a hazard the mission really is. Of course, there's also context and what you're saying is a good alternative. But giving characters a spot of personality after you see the text can certainly assist in making the game stand out.

As a native English speaker I'd say that is a very good example, having not played this demo yet. I have played the LOK demo, and did not find anything that really broke my immersion in the story while playing, so I think you have a good grasp on the subject matter. @JivaSan, keep up the good work, this looks like something I'd be interested in once it is developed.

[Abelius]

@Abelius
I'm assuming a scientist is saying this in game? What should be happening is that a scientist has a process to what they're saying and a method to their madness.

Naw, it's the narrator actually.

Thanks for the link. I'll try it.
Your comment is like a glass of cold water in the heat!
I'll keep doing my best!

You're very welcome. Keep working on this. There's no such thing as "too many hentai games".

As a native English speaker I'd say that is a very good example, having not played this demo yet. I have played the LOK demo, and did not find anything that really broke my immersion in the story while playing, so I think you have a good grasp on the subject matter.

Thanks, although Theressomeonehere is the guy to thank for that.

[Samus85aran]

What i ihave to do in the fisrt day after finish to train in the park ?

i go to the house and try to sleep in bed but nothing , i' am stuck

[out53]

What i ihave to do in the fisrt day after finish to train in the park ?

i go to the house and try to sleep in bed but nothing , i' am stuck

You have to go to the sex shop.

[JivaSan]

The version is fixed!

• The text is completely edited.
• Its conceptual structure is improved.
• Some stylistic and punctuation mistakes are corrected.
• Dialogue window has a new look.
  (It's more suitable for the main character's appearance.)
• Pictures that show time of the day are remade.

The game has a bug (on the 3 day at the library). This happens due to internal problem of the engine RPG Maker MV.

Save before the event and the following restart solves this problem. (This error appears from time to time)
I'm working on solving the problem.
Thank you for understanding.

This is the last fix before the release of the next version.

[FMC]

I got the game through Patreon, but the link on these forums is said to be expired.

[JivaSan]

I got the game through Patreon, but the link on these forums is said to be expired.

I checked it. It's OK.

[JivaSan]

Total game progress

I won't make a long description what is already done and what I still have to do.
Overall readiness of the game will say it for me: - 60%.

There will be some changes (good ones) in development news that were posted on aug 24.

On my patreon page you can find a picture that shows, where will be located the Hall of famer for my Patrons.

[JivaSan]

Version updated!

What's new in this version:
+ more than 30 visuals.
+ new erotic scenes.
+ continuing relationship with the boss.
+ a chance to get even with Koloss .
+ new actions with the unknown guy.
+ new actions with family.
+ some doings now have consequences (be careful).
+ a new location «Hall of Famer».
+ a new costume (with a new chibi).
+ the shop has new items that you can buy
+ I paid much attention to the text (stylistics, grammar, semantics)
+ lots of small details that I can't even remember now


Have a nice play!

(Your reviews and comments will help me improve the game and make it more interesting!)