VintageBass Wrote:OK, going through the intro of the game and I'm noticing a couple of errors here and there. It's pretty good for the most part, all that needs are a few changes here and there and you should be good.
I'll get back to you once I check more of the game out and really go through to see what needs to be changed.
hoboy Wrote:Well - I like it. Artwork and story are quite nice. At this point in the game, there is nothing beyond masturbation, correct? No going to the tavern or the dark place underground, and no playing with your roomies?
epoxymoro Wrote:you might want to bring someone in to proofread the plain text of the game
and the jump from several years ago to present is abrupt, you may want to rewrite that a bit, so it doesn't feel so disjointed(only slightly annoying and probably only slightly annoying to me and no one else)
also getting kicked out at night is a bit weird, maybe use that time to have her walk around the city to walk the player through each area and make it a way to move the story forward, that's more for when the games gets more finished and has more of the city to explore
the art is lovely, the story is entertaining, and I can't wait to see how far you take this project
YelloMit Wrote:Quite liking the beginning of this game so far. The artwork is really well done too.
A couple of ideas to make it better.
1. Like the above comment said, get a proof-reader to help with the grammar. While most of it was fine, some of it was difficult to understand.
2. More outfits in the future and the ability to mix and match. So maybe you can make different groups of clothes. One for tops. One for bottoms. One for underwear. Etc.
3. More to do at night instead of just going home. Being able to free roam would be pretty cool.
I understand that this is early alpha, so it is totally fine that there isn't much yet. This is just for the future.
Anyway, can't wait to see more.
Pixelgames Wrote: About the first point, I don't know anyone who can help me with the grammar, at least right now. I will need to tryhard even more.
VintageBass Wrote:Pixelgames Wrote: About the first point, I don't know anyone who can help me with the grammar, at least right now. I will need to tryhard even more.
Well I can be willing to offer my services on that front, if you like.
Pixelgames Wrote:We can't afford to pay anyone right now : (
VintageBass Wrote:Pixelgames Wrote:We can't afford to pay anyone right now : (
Don't worry about pay (for now), I can work on this entirely for free for ya. And even with pay, I don't really ask much in return, I'm rather cheap about things, but ultimately I'll do this for free as there are rather minor errors that need correction and it could be sorted out when I have free time.
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