Pressia | A LOK Forums Original Novel | by AMJ

This is the place to post your own creative works for other to play or give feedback on!
Forum rules
This forum is for posting and collaborating upon third party work. Please do not post request-threads, and avoid posting artwork that is not your own unless it is being used as a reference.

Pressia | A LOK Forums Original Novel | by AMJ

Postby axmanjack » Tue Mar 13, 2012 8:48 pm

This is the dedicated page for Pressia.
Steam has moved to a new thread.
Sorry for all the inconvenience.

The full-length, LOK forums original novel, Pressia, is located in an easy-to-read RTF file below.
Please, feel free to comment if you like it, or hate it, or are confused by it.
Your love keeps me writing.
Attachments
filelink_16212af8991b3f5e963845963ac8efb8f109c.rtf
All of Pressia in a single, simple file.
(539.49 KiB) Downloaded 1643 times
Last edited by axmanjack on Sat Jan 18, 2014 12:30 am, edited 32 times in total.
axmanjack
 
Joined: Wed Jan 04, 2012 2:25 am
Location: America

Re: Old Media Choose Your Adventure Game "Pressia"

Postby Lucky777 » Wed Mar 14, 2012 5:14 pm

No idea what the choices do, but the writing is acceptably good, so +1 vote for whatever gets the most characters the most thoroughly raped, for the longest period of time.

Also count that +1 for every subsequent action choice in the story, and any future story.

As long as that is faithfully done, there shouldn't be any necessity for me to vote or post in this thread again.
User avatar
Lucky777
 
Joined: Sat Dec 18, 2010 12:44 am
Location: Chambers: Bandit Division

Re: Old Media Choose Your Adventure Game "Pressia"

Postby ReaperCarnage » Wed Mar 14, 2012 5:56 pm

I have to admit when i first read the headline i was thinking "oh great a multiple choice story" sarcasm implied. Now though after I've read the first chapter i sit here thinking good lord he"s created a monster. So hats off to you and i will be looking for more. also your storytelling is 9/10.
ReaperCarnage
Newly Registered
 
Joined: Mon Mar 05, 2012 2:39 am

Re: Old Media Choose Your Adventure Game "Pressia"

Postby Lumino » Wed Mar 14, 2012 6:59 pm

Nicely written, a very enjoyable read. Since I understand that writers like being recognized for their efforts, I'll be sure to keep an eye on this.

Keep up the excellent work, you have a real knack for this.
Lumino
 
Joined: Wed Mar 14, 2012 5:31 pm

Re: Old Media Choose Your Adventure Game "Pressia"

Postby Aliaga » Wed Mar 14, 2012 7:36 pm

My only complaint is that I'm a slow reader. ;) That, of course, isn't asking for the posts to be shorter. Well-done, and I look forward to future installments.
Aliaga
 
Joined: Sun Feb 14, 2010 7:53 am

Re: Old Media Choose Your Adventure Game "Pressia"

Postby axmanjack » Wed Mar 14, 2012 8:36 pm

I'm keeping what the choices do vague, and pretty much every one of them will get someone laid. I've got a map of what's going on in the area at the time, so the choices decide what thing is going to come up on her in the next action, or if she'll find another character or thought-collar with experiences on it.
axmanjack
 
Joined: Wed Jan 04, 2012 2:25 am
Location: America

Re: Old Media Choose Your Adventure Game "Pressia"

Postby GoRepeat » Thu Mar 15, 2012 12:51 am

You should probably go get 10 posts before attempting this, or else the thread will disappear until it is re-approved each time you update the poll.
Picarto LiveStream: https://picarto.tv/GoRepeat
Other Stuff: Click Here
User avatar
GoRepeat
Moderator
 
Joined: Wed Jul 21, 2010 2:26 am
Location: Behind the Looking Glass

Re: Old Media Choose Your Adventure Game "Pressia"

Postby Smackman » Thu Mar 15, 2012 1:12 am

its funny how I'm still a n00b to this forum but my posts get approved cuz i made the account like 2 years ago
Suraru Wrote:Hey smackman, I've decided your a douchebag :P

OMG IM SO HURT *Whatever*
Trolololololo
User avatar
Smackman
 
Joined: Mon Jan 25, 2010 2:30 am

Re: Old Media Choose Your Adventure Game "Pressia"

Postby axmanjack » Thu Mar 15, 2012 2:04 am

Yeah, I'm working on it, but it won't really matter too much. I try to post in other threads too. The posts just don't ever seem to get approved.
axmanjack
 
Joined: Wed Jan 04, 2012 2:25 am
Location: America

Re: Old Media Choose Your Adventure Game "Pressia"

Postby ethomas » Thu Mar 15, 2012 10:14 am

exceptional writing, and a hot scenario, especially with regards to the plants drugging the girl
wish i could have more now!
ethomas
Newly Registered
 
Joined: Thu Mar 15, 2012 10:04 am

Re: Old Media Choose Your Adventure Game "Pressia"

Postby Thaedael » Thu Mar 15, 2012 11:16 pm

Blah Blah Blah, post moderation sucks, blah blah blah moderators suck. One more post to go and you are above 10. I can tell you are going to be my new favorite member already because you didn't just spam 10 comments back to back with one word. Crunch time for this moderator's university schedule so post approval has been going slow, but ever since this website started to pick up in pace in terms of activity, every third post or so is a spam-bot advertising cheaply made designer condom knock offs from China etc.
Thaedael
 

Re: Old Media Choose Your Adventure Game "Pressia"

Postby darkluke1992 » Fri Mar 16, 2012 5:50 am

I hope this continues, it is a very interesting story so far.
darkluke1992
Newly Registered
 
Joined: Sun Jan 22, 2012 6:47 am

Re: Old Media Choose Your Adventure Game "Pressia"

Postby ethomas » Fri Mar 16, 2012 11:33 am

i must say i've read this through fully about seven times now, and when reading it without the distraction of arousal several errors become apparent
my reason for pointing them out is that i assume, as a fellow writer and an english major, you are like me in the sense that you find proofreading excruciating, and that like me, you have little doubt in the proficiency of your writing and can therefore take editions as helpful corrections to improve an awesome thing you made rather than feeling that i am pointing out flaws in your art in order to insult you personally
perhaps you've even already noticed them and/or don't even care what i have to say
in which case i will politely lurk and not bother you again

"Feeling a bit safer, she takes stock of her surroundings and, feeling a bit safer and no longer particularly worried about modesty she removes the tattered remains of her shirt and sits down."
"Mira spends the next few moments collecting the plant’s pollen from her stomach with her fingers, and sucking off" (word "it" appears to be missing)
as well as some improper period placement near quotation marks (because the character's sentence continues of either side of your speech tag, there should be a comma and "be" shouild not be capitalized) and tense disagreement:
"'Someone may find this,' she says out loud to no one. 'If you do,' her voice gains direction as the reality of what just happened to her set in. 'Be careful, and don’t try to find me.'"
plus a few comma splices, and other things which i didn't keep track of
ethomas
Newly Registered
 
Joined: Thu Mar 15, 2012 10:04 am

Re: Old Media Choose Your Adventure Game "Pressia"

Postby axmanjack » Sun Mar 18, 2012 5:24 pm

I'm a notorious comma splicer, I admit to that, sometimes I do it accidentally, or without noticing, but it happens all the time.

I wrote this a while ago and just ran it through spell check. Proofreading sucks, but I'l make sure to clean up the next installment.
axmanjack
 
Joined: Wed Jan 04, 2012 2:25 am
Location: America

Re: Old Media Choose Your Adventure Game "Pressia"

Postby talin » Tue Mar 20, 2012 7:57 am

Autobot mode? eh oh well.

Fantastic story writing by the way, you really have a bit of talent. You might be able to send this in to some erotic novel publisher and get money for it when your done. The plot so far is intense and slightly eerie with some potential for minor drama. For a few pages worth of work, everyone knows the basics of what has happened and the story has moved along smoothly and coherently.
What is a goal but an attempt to gain a purpose? We don't really want the goals and advancements for themselves, we want them because it gives us a reason to act.
RP DnD roller: http://www.wizards.com/dnd/dice/dice.htm
User avatar
talin
 
Joined: Sun Jan 22, 2012 2:14 am
Location: Laptops can go almost anywhere.

Re: Old Media Choose Your Adventure Game "Pressia"

Postby Blakdutchman » Tue Mar 20, 2012 9:12 pm

Great writing - I love what you're doing here.

Now, on to the poll... from a purely tactical point of view, I'd choose, well, tactical mode. As in, given those options, that's what I'd do in those circumstances.

WHETHER OT NOT that leads to more sex is an entirely different matter :D.
Blakdutchman
Newly Registered
 
Joined: Tue Mar 20, 2012 8:59 pm

Re: Old Media Choose Your Adventure Game "Pressia"

Postby thealchemist » Thu Mar 22, 2012 4:30 am

Great work cant wait till next part
R.I.P Whores of the Old Republic
thealchemist
 
Joined: Thu Feb 02, 2012 6:00 am
Location: wishing I was somewhere else

Re: Old Media Choose Your Adventure Game "Pressia"

Postby talin » Fri Mar 23, 2012 8:58 am

If she's going to get out alive she will need better protection from that moss...
What is a goal but an attempt to gain a purpose? We don't really want the goals and advancements for themselves, we want them because it gives us a reason to act.
RP DnD roller: http://www.wizards.com/dnd/dice/dice.htm
User avatar
talin
 
Joined: Sun Jan 22, 2012 2:14 am
Location: Laptops can go almost anywhere.

Re: Old Media Choose Your Adventure Game "Pressia"

Postby ethomas » Fri Mar 23, 2012 11:39 am

This new action had a good balance of both plot and sex. The first action had plot setup, then a sex scene, then a bit more plot/character development. I like the way you mixed everything throughout this action fairly evenly and I think you did a good job balancing the erotic aspects with the plot/character, especially how you showed Teuschle to be as vulnerable to the moss as Mira & Lacy. The choices are better this week too, especially with the little additions in the square parentheses. The harshest criticism that I can give you is that spiders are not really insects. Looking forward to more.
ethomas
Newly Registered
 
Joined: Thu Mar 15, 2012 10:04 am

Re: Old Media Choose Your Adventure Game "Pressia"

Postby Riley65 » Sun Mar 25, 2012 6:41 am

I would love to see, provided you want to and have the time, an outcome for each of the choices. Your writing's been amazing so far and it would be cool to be able to read it like a real "choose your adventure" story. Whether or not you choose to do so keep up the good work and I'll be looking forward to the next update :)
Image
Riley65
 
Joined: Sun Mar 25, 2012 6:37 am

Next

Return to Creative Corner



Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Google [Bot]