Pressia | A LOK Forums Original Novel | by AMJ

[axmanjack]

This is the dedicated page for Pressia.
Steam has moved to a new thread.
Sorry for all the inconvenience.

The full-length, LOK forums original novel, Pressia, is located in an easy-to-read RTF file below.
Please, feel free to comment if you like it, or hate it, or are confused by it.
Your love keeps me writing.

[Lucky777]

No idea what the choices do, but the writing is acceptably good, so +1 vote for whatever gets the most characters the most thoroughly raped, for the longest period of time.

Also count that +1 for every subsequent action choice in the story, and any future story.

As long as that is faithfully done, there shouldn't be any necessity for me to vote or post in this thread again.

[ReaperCarnage]

I have to admit when i first read the headline i was thinking "oh great a multiple choice story" sarcasm implied. Now though after I've read the first chapter i sit here thinking good lord he"s created a monster. So hats off to you and i will be looking for more. also your storytelling is 9/10.

[Lumino]

Nicely written, a very enjoyable read. Since I understand that writers like being recognized for their efforts, I'll be sure to keep an eye on this.

Keep up the excellent work, you have a real knack for this.

[Aliaga]

My only complaint is that I'm a slow reader. That, of course, isn't asking for the posts to be shorter. Well-done, and I look forward to future installments.

[axmanjack]

I'm keeping what the choices do vague, and pretty much every one of them will get someone laid. I've got a map of what's going on in the area at the time, so the choices decide what thing is going to come up on her in the next action, or if she'll find another character or thought-collar with experiences on it.

[GoRepeat]

You should probably go get 10 posts before attempting this, or else the thread will disappear until it is re-approved each time you update the poll.

[Smackman]

its funny how I'm still a n00b to this forum but my posts get approved cuz i made the account like 2 years ago

[axmanjack]

Yeah, I'm working on it, but it won't really matter too much. I try to post in other threads too. The posts just don't ever seem to get approved.

[ethomas]

exceptional writing, and a hot scenario, especially with regards to the plants drugging the girl
wish i could have more now!

[Thaedael]

Blah Blah Blah, post moderation sucks, blah blah blah moderators suck. One more post to go and you are above 10. I can tell you are going to be my new favorite member already because you didn't just spam 10 comments back to back with one word. Crunch time for this moderator's university schedule so post approval has been going slow, but ever since this website started to pick up in pace in terms of activity, every third post or so is a spam-bot advertising cheaply made designer condom knock offs from China etc.

[darkluke1992]

I hope this continues, it is a very interesting story so far.

[ethomas]

i must say i've read this through fully about seven times now, and when reading it without the distraction of arousal several errors become apparent
my reason for pointing them out is that i assume, as a fellow writer and an english major, you are like me in the sense that you find proofreading excruciating, and that like me, you have little doubt in the proficiency of your writing and can therefore take editions as helpful corrections to improve an awesome thing you made rather than feeling that i am pointing out flaws in your art in order to insult you personally
perhaps you've even already noticed them and/or don't even care what i have to say
in which case i will politely lurk and not bother you again

"Feeling a bit safer, she takes stock of her surroundings and, feeling a bit safer and no longer particularly worried about modesty she removes the tattered remains of her shirt and sits down."
"Mira spends the next few moments collecting the plant’s pollen from her stomach with her fingers, and sucking off" (word "it" appears to be missing)
as well as some improper period placement near quotation marks (because the character's sentence continues of either side of your speech tag, there should be a comma and "be" shouild not be capitalized) and tense disagreement:
"'Someone may find this,' she says out loud to no one. 'If you do,' her voice gains direction as the reality of what just happened to her set in. 'Be careful, and don’t try to find me.'"
plus a few comma splices, and other things which i didn't keep track of

[axmanjack]

I'm a notorious comma splicer, I admit to that, sometimes I do it accidentally, or without noticing, but it happens all the time.

I wrote this a while ago and just ran it through spell check. Proofreading sucks, but I'l make sure to clean up the next installment.

[talin]

Autobot mode? eh oh well.

Fantastic story writing by the way, you really have a bit of talent. You might be able to send this in to some erotic novel publisher and get money for it when your done. The plot so far is intense and slightly eerie with some potential for minor drama. For a few pages worth of work, everyone knows the basics of what has happened and the story has moved along smoothly and coherently.

[Blakdutchman]

Great writing - I love what you're doing here.

Now, on to the poll... from a purely tactical point of view, I'd choose, well, tactical mode. As in, given those options, that's what I'd do in those circumstances.

WHETHER OT NOT that leads to more sex is an entirely different matter .

[thealchemist]

Great work cant wait till next part

[talin]

If she's going to get out alive she will need better protection from that moss...

[ethomas]

This new action had a good balance of both plot and sex. The first action had plot setup, then a sex scene, then a bit more plot/character development. I like the way you mixed everything throughout this action fairly evenly and I think you did a good job balancing the erotic aspects with the plot/character, especially how you showed Teuschle to be as vulnerable to the moss as Mira & Lacy. The choices are better this week too, especially with the little additions in the square parentheses. The harshest criticism that I can give you is that spiders are not really insects. Looking forward to more.

[Riley65]

I would love to see, provided you want to and have the time, an outcome for each of the choices. Your writing's been amazing so far and it would be cool to be able to read it like a real "choose your adventure" story. Whether or not you choose to do so keep up the good work and I'll be looking forward to the next update