VintageBass Wrote:susuki Wrote:Well here I leave images in large and dialogue.
My English is not very good I hope you understand me
Well I can understand you clearly, and thank you for the images and making them bigger.
Can I ask: why should Peach drop the F-bomb like that? Look I get using fuck in the context of sex, but that really seems outta place for her to say. Heck I could even argue that most of the things she's saying would be outta place for her to say, so this is probably a good reason for some of the changes being asked for in Quiz's thing and what I might look at come time to view all of the dialogue. Still, you say it's bad English, but I'm thinking more or less in context with what the character might say and "motherfucker" isn't one of them. Way too strong for any princess to say (unless she's a rebellious kind).
I concur. Peach doesn't swear and only uses potential swear words when describing sex, such as fuck.
VintageBass Wrote:Plus it's kinda funny with what's being said in those pictures. It's really helpful with it being broken English, so you got some pretty funny lines outta it. At the very least someone here can fix that up and make it sound more natural. Like for example:
Spoiler (click to show/hide):
Peach: "Oh, it's you! What have you done to my castle? Where is Mario?"
Kamek: "Hello princess! Like the changes? They're certainly an improvement for sure."
Peach: "But it's crude and indecent! Why would you do such a thing?"
Kamek: "Just following orders. Now hold still so I can show your kingdom what a nympho you really are!"
Peach: "What are you...? Nooo! Why would your perverted mind create such magic?"
Kamek: "Consider it a warning if you begin/continue your searched for that damn plumber! (Even if I botched the spell up for this... still who can't resist those melons?)"
Peach: "So you do know where Mario is! Tell me right now where he is!"
Kamek: "Sorry princess, I gotta scram. Before I go, I'll give you an extra present."
Peach: "But it isn't my birthday or... oh no, my window! It's ruined!"
Kamek: "Enjoy the gifts, princess! Bowser sends his warm wishes to you!"
Peach: "Bowser? That dirty turtle! He's going to pay for doing this to my precious kingdom!"
Yeah, that's much better, but why does Peach know Kamek did all this? Wouldn't it make sense if the scene started with something like:
Kamek: So THERE you are, princess? Do you like the changes I made in your castle?
Peach: So it was YOU who made those changes! Why would you do such a thing?! You're going to pay for this!
Kamek: Oh, will I? Then, try stopping me from doing this!
*changes stained glass to a naked Peach*
And so on and so forth.
What's even better is that we can easily change Peach's reaction to this depending on what "condition" she is in. Or, even better, we could change the intonation of the words. Like, if she's already nympho, the words would be (mostly) the same. But, this time you have to read it differently:
Kamek: So THERE you are, princess? Do you like the changes I made in your castle?
Peach: So it was YOU who made those changes! Why would you do such a thing? You're going to "pay" for this!
*Peach presumably lets know through her body language that this is her being playful*
Kamek: Oh, will I? Then, what if I do this?
*changes stained glass to a naked Peach*
VintageBass Wrote:That last bit I changed up mainly to prevent any repeating lines, and really this is just to keep the characters more... well, in character, not have them randomly drop a f-bomb.
You're doing a fine job, Vintage. I look forward to working with you.
