Legend of Krystal Forums

Hi, I'm new here and would like to introduce myself with a game concept I've always wanted to throw up here. If I'm breaking any rules, please pardon me. If not, yay! Now let me get right to this.

The game is about a young girl Chrome, (Age 16) whom has awoken in the middle of a deep, dark forest all alone. There isn't any sign of anyone else, only of monsters. She is weak physically, but has passive magic ability's she is able to use. The story will be of her journey through a very large forest, and eventually through other terrain, recruiting a few other monsters along the way and finding small clues in the form of paper and objects as to who she is, why she is here, and where she is.

The smut content will be from encounters with the monsters. You'll fight them in a typical jrpg fashion. If you kill them, you gain experience points and eventually level up, growing in strength and getting stronger spells. If you lose, many will rape Chrome. Some will just let her go after having their way with them, but others will "keep" her. Some for breeding, others just for the sake of having a slave. Some bosses themselves will even let her go, letting you progress and giving you the option to challenge them again if you lose. Though, that could possibly end poorly if you challenge them after losing once...

Because I am not an artist, it would all be text. However! I could, maybe, use graphic programs to help with this if I can understand them. Seeing the popularity of some of the text only games, this may not be such a bad thing. I'm also confident in my ability as a writer.

Some of the monsters, beasts, ect I'm considering are as follows.

Wolf
Succubus
Tentacle plant
Angel
Goblin
Ogre
Mimic
Slime
Bullman

Those are just some examples. Now, I'll try to be a bit lenient on what kind of monsters I could add, what sort of fetishes there will be there. Futanari is a personal favorite, so expect there to be plenty of that. Some, however, I'll outright refuse to add on the basis that they gross me the hell out and I'd rather not spend a bunch of my time writing for things I find disgust in. No offense to anyone.

Now, I'd like to use a system like rpg maker. If someone a bit more experienced with the program could perhaps help me with this, IE telling me where/how to get a free version of the program, I'd be set.

Thank you, some comments and some great idea's you suck please die would be great!

What's with that 'you suck please die' bit at the end? do we have a word filter in place now?

trunks2585 Wrote:What's with that 'you suck please die' bit at the end? do we have a word filter in place now?

I wouldn't know, though that was just my way of saying if anyone had anything negative to add I'd be happy to hear.

trunks2585 Wrote:What's with that 'you suck please die' bit at the end? do we have a word filter in place now?

I really wouldn't be surprised if there was. However, what this guy wants to do, does sound very intriguing, and I'd like to see it made eventually, but I couldn't help. I'm a lurker, and a beta for someone already. :'P

Huh. Someone with a okay post about making a game who is willing to do the work himself and is work though problems. Now annoy you by being a grammar nazi because i got 99% on my writing test (doesn't matter if i can't spell for crap.)

SilverCube Wrote:Hi, I'm new here and would like to introduce myself with a game concept I've always wanted to throw up here. If I'm breaking any rules, please pardon me. If not, yay! Now let me get right to this.

None that i know of.

SilverCube Wrote:

1. The game is about a young girl Chrome, (Age 16) whom has awoken in the middle of a deep, dark forest all alone.

2.There isn't any sign of anyone else, only of monsters.

3. She is weak physically, but has passive magic ability's she is able to use.

4. The story will be of her journey through a very large forest, and eventually through other terrain, recruiting a few other monsters along the way and finding small clues in the form of paper and objects as to who she is, why she is here, and where she is.

1. Okay she woke up in the forest. Now i'm guessing this is where the title(eh) came from. Now is her awaking, waking up in the forest or is it waking up to her sexuality(nice way of saying it if you ask me)
2. I personally don't like how the grammar is set up but i believe that more style than anything.
3. So passive from my understanding is something that just happens.(never thought i would have to look this word up) "You passively drive home" would be saying you drive home with auto pilot or with little thought. In games passive when used with ability means automatically used and always in use.
4. As a reader i really hate how you made that sentence. Next time maybe making in to 2 or 3 sentences?

I don't understand your use of the word passive or like the Name since awaking is used way to often in game names when i personally don't think it should be.
But other than that i like

SilverCube Wrote:

1. The smut content will be from encounters with the monsters.

2. You'll fight them in a typical jrpg fashion.

3. If you kill them, you gain experience points and eventually level up, growing in strength and getting stronger spells.

4. If you lose, many will rape Chrome.

5. Some will just let her go after having their way with them, but others will "keep" her.

6. Some for breeding, others just for the sake of having a slave.

7. Some bosses themselves will even let her go, letting you progress and giving you the option to challenge them again if you lose.

8. Though, that could possibly end poorly if you challenge them after losing once...

1. So i've seen the word smut at another forum i go to and while i understand it's something sexual and porn related i'm not sure what the true mean is so could you tell me because i'm lazy as hell.(if you think about it "Lazy as hell." doesn't make sense and yet my meaning gets across?) So if you encounter another human why are we limited in relationship?
2. Sweat.
3. ya... that is normal JRPG style.
4. This bugs me to all ends, "If you lose, many will rape Chrome." many Hotdogs, Icecreams, airparticals or maybe JRPG? Don't force your reader to make the leap. State what it is. While i understand what your saying your moving from one topic to another. This might have been okay if the last sentence was about monsters. Your comma was in the right place however. ("if you lose, many will rape Chrome" "many will rape Chrome, if you lose")
5. A little vague, but the only real thing i noticed was you uses "them" to refer to Chrome and then you used "her" to refer to Chrome. It seems like a mistake.
6. sounds kinky.
7 Cool.

Over all i like the ideas of this paragraph but you were unclear with your spelling.

SilverCube Wrote:

1. Because I am not an artist, it would all be text.

2. However!

3.I could, maybe, use graphic programs to help with this if I can understand them.

4. Seeing the popularity of some of the text only games, this may not be such a bad thing.

5. I'm also confident in my ability as a writer.

1. I'm fine with that. I like text based games since they put the action in the imagination of the read and that's more power than most art work.
2. However is a transitional word. You put it in the right place but your need to get rid of the explanation mark 1 though 3 should read like this.
Because I am not an artist, it would all be text, however, I could maybe use graphic programs to help with this if I can understand them.
Now since you want make sure your reader understand that your basically making a statement with your finder in the air you would make the word however bold. I know this isn't following any real writing rule with the bold but it works. Also since however is a trasitional word you put a coma before and after it. (", however,")
3. Maybe.
4 I agree. Texty is smex!
5 comment on this later.

SilverCube Wrote:Those are just some examples. Now, I'll try to be a bit lenient on what kind of monsters I could add, what sort of fetishes there will be there. Futanari is a personal favorite, so expect there to be plenty of that. Some, however, I'll outright refuse to add on the basis that they gross me the hell out and I'd rather not spend a bunch of my time writing for things I find disgust in. No offense to anyone.

Sounds fair to me however you should add that you will refuse stuff you don't want to add in a more general term so in case some annoying person ask "Can you write a scene where Chrome fucks the broken fair" you have reason you not to. I mean your making this game so you can say whats in and whats out but it's better to have it written down publicly.

Now let me state this was attack on your spelling by some hot head that just got 99% on a test.
Don't discount your writing ability at all. This wasn't what i was trying to do. I was trying to point out what i liked about your post and what i didn't like and it just by chance turn in to a grammar nazi fest (Sorry I'm normally not like this. You should see my spelling.) and i think that all you would need, to avoided these mistakes is proofread (something i'm not doing right now. This isn't going to end badly.)

I'm making my own game and one of the things holding me back on the story is someone to read it over.
Any chance you would be willing to do this?